Found
by csiAngel
Summary: Sparky friendship & UST! They're about to rediscover what they thought they'd lost... now complete!
1. Prologue

Title: Found  
Rating:K+ for now  
Disclaimer: I own not Atlantis, if I did well it'd sparkle ;-)  
Season: future fic  
Spoilers: Could be present for upto and including whole of Season Two and rumours for Season Three.  
Summary: They're about to rediscover what they thought they'd lost…  
A/N: Two Atlantis firsts for me: 1) first non-post-ep fic and 2) first multi-chapter really long fic. I'm posting this to 'encourage' me to write the rest down instead of just playing it out in my head.

Prologue

Turning around, Elizabeth immediately saw spikes of black hair peeping from behind a pillar. Smiling to herself, she moved in the opposite direction and made a show of looking behind the Stargate.

"No, not behind here," she said aloud, turning and looking exaggeratedly round the room.

She walked over to a nearby cargo crate and mimed sneaking up on it. "A-ha!" she shouted, jumping to look over the crate.

There was distinct giggling from the vicinity of the pillar and she smiled to herself again. "Oh, I heard laughing…" she said, straightening up and stepping away from the crate.

The giggling was heard again.

"Now, where could he be?" she said – one word with each step as she walked slowly to the centre of the room.

The giggling was muffled this time.

She crept towards the pillar, moving round to the side where the end of two little feet could be seen. Crouching down, she took hold of the feet as she exclaimed, "Gotcha!"

The curled up child screamed and squirmed under her grip, rolling over onto his back.

She ran her fingers up to his hips and tickled, inciting more wriggling.

"Aaah!… Aunty Lizbeth, stop it!" he squealed.

"But this is the name of the game," she grinned, continuing the torment. "Hide then get tickled."

"No… It… Isn't!" he insisted between laughter-filled breaths. "It's hide and seek!"

She stopped tickling and looked down at his reddened face. "Oh I'm sorry. I got confused," she smirked.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You don't get confused!" he declared.

"Sometimes I do," she admitted.

"But you're the boss," he said, sitting up, showing his interest in the conversation.

"Yes but I can still get confused… Sometimes Uncle Rodney doesn't make any sense at all if he's excited."

The boy chuckled. "He's funny!"

Elizabeth smiled fondly. "Yes he is."

"And he likes blue jello," he added.

She nodded and smiled at the not-so-subtle hint. "He does… Do you want – "

She was interrupted by the activation of the 'gate. Knowing no teams were due back, she said: "Okay, Honey, you know the drill," and the boy jumped to his feet, gave her a tight hug and ran from the 'gate room.

As the chevrons continued to engage she ascended the steps to the control room.

"Receiving Colonel Lorne's IDC, Ma'am," Jordan Philips, the technician on duty, informed her as she stopped beside him.

"Let him in," she said, turning back the way she came to return to the 'gate.

Colonel Lorne stepped through the open wormhole alone, and the 'gate disengaged behind him.

"Colonel – " Elizabeth began as she walked to meet him.

He smiled and interrupted her concerned query. "Everything is fine!" he assured her.

"Then why are you back early?… And alone?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"We should talk in your office," he said, and he was still smiling. It was becoming suspicious now.

He was already past her and heading in that direction but she didn't follow, a familiar feeling of dread fixing her to the spot.

"We can talk here, Marcus," she stated, folding her arms both for effect and to hold her anxiety.

"I was thinking more privacy – " he said, his smile slipping a little as he stopped, feet on different steps.

"You said everything's fine."

He returned to her level. "Everything is fine. My team's fine. The people of Melera are lovely folk – "

Her concern was growing and his assurances were failing to get through. "Marc!"

His face fell to a serious expression and he stepped close to her so he could lower his voice; positioning his body to shield her expression from the control room so the curious faces up there wouldn't see the effect of what he was about to tell her.

Elizabeth frowned at his proximity and looked at him expectantly as he seemed to search for the words to explain.

"Elizabeth," he finally began, voice quiet. "I think we may have found Colonel Sheppard."

TBC…


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

Elizabeth waited in front of the 'gate, intrigued by the message that had been received from Colonel Sheppard's team.

Doctor McKay had radioed for permission to bring a 'guest' back to Atlantis with them. She had questioned him about the usual security issues and he had assured her their visitor was perfectly harmless. He would not, however, explain why he seemed to be laughing throughout their conversation; telling her only that all would be revealed and asking her to trust him.

It was quite clear that she would receive no further information no matter what she threatened him with or how much like an order she made her requests sound, so she gave her consent, and said she would arrange for a security team to be on stand by for their arrival. In his last, quick, half-spoken-half-giggled utterance Rodney said that wasn't necessary and they had to collect their things and would be home in about thirty minutes. Then he was gone.

So now Elizabeth was, somewhat impatiently, willing the 'gate to activate again; asking herself whether she should perhaps have taken Rodney's laughter as a sign that all was not right, and maybe not agreed to their accompanying guest.

She didn't have too much time to dwell on this potential mistake, however, as the familiar sounds of the 'gate startled her from her thoughts, and then a voice in her ear confirmed that they were receiving Colonel Sheppard's IDC.

A few seconds after the shield lowered, the team and their guest stepped across the event horizon.

Elizabeth walked towards them, observing the stranger as she did so.

It was a young woman: in Earth years, probably in her early thirties. Long, dark brown hair flowed, straight and smooth, over her shoulders; dark eyes and a delicate, smiling face looking out from where it parted. She appeared to be a little nervous; watching Elizabeth carefully, and stepping slightly closer to John as she approached.

Stopping a few feet in front of the group, Elizabeth smiled warmly. "Welcome back," she said to her team, "and welcome to Atlantis," she directed at the young lady; receiving a bright smile and a nod of gratitude in response.

John cleared his throat and took a step towards Elizabeth. "Dr Weir, this is Teanna – "

"His wife!" Rodney added, with great pleasure judging by the grin on his face.

Elizabeth looked, wide eyed, first at Rodney and then at John, adding a raised eyebrow to affect a question.

John glared at Rodney. "Thank you, McKay!" he ground through clenched teeth before turning back to Elizabeth. "Well, I suppose, technically, yes. Teanna is my wife."

It was impossible not to notice how amusing John's team was finding it – even Ronon was smirking – but, while she did see the humour in the situation, Elizabeth's predominant feeling closely resembled jealousy. However, she refused to believe that could be true and convinced herself it was anger she was feeling instead.

"We'll discuss this in my office after you've been seen by Carson," she said, still smiling for Teanna's benefit, but with a look in her eyes that those who knew her well would know was not amusement.

Elizabeth turned and began to ascend the steps, hearing the footsteps and giggling of the team as they filed out of the 'gate room.

-----

John turned up at Elizabeth's office alone, the mere minutes that had passed since they were in the 'gate room betraying that he had not yet been checked over by Carson.

"You should be in the infirmary," Elizabeth said, not looking up from the report on her laptop, in which she was feigning great interest.

John walked further into the room. "I needed to explain to you without the others here giggling… and especially without Teanna hearing."

At the mention of their guest's name, Elizabeth redirected her attention to John. "This had better be good," she stated, then she sat back and watched him expectantly.

"Okay," he began, "It was a huge misunderstanding… We arrived, we met the locals, we were out looking at the scenery and we came across a guy who had Teanna pinned against the wall, kicking and squirming, trying to fight him off… So I stepped in and pulled him off her and we took Teanna back to the town."

"Where you married her?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well, yes," he replied, sitting down opposite her and leaning his arms on the desk, "But it's not as simple as you make it sound… We got back to town and she told her father what had happened and… well, I guess I should have been suspicious when they threw a party, but I just figured they were pleased that she was safe."

Elizabeth's eyebrow raised. "So you had a wedding reception?"

"There was drinks, food and music… Nobody mentioned marriage until this morning when we were preparing to leave and Teanna's father was telling her how much he was going to miss her… He ran off to get something he wanted her to bring with her and I asked her what was going on… She was very understanding about me not realising that we were married, but pleaded with me not to tell her father… Apparently their society does not treat women rejected by their husbands very well… I couldn't leave her to that."

Elizabeth took it all in with a slight frown. "Okay… I understand that, but you still haven't explained what exactly you did to make her father assume the two of you were married… Did you… sleep with her?" She was surprised by how difficult it was for her to ask that, but pushed it aside to focus on the conversation at hand.

"No!" John said emphatically. "Nice to know what you think of me though."

She offered him a look that clearly showed him that his past actions had given her good reason to think that. "Chaya, Teer, Mara…" she listed.

"Okay! I get your point!" he interrupted her, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

She smirked at his reaction and asked: "So if you didn't sleep with her, how did you end up married?"

"Apparently it is their custom that when a man defends a woman's honour, she becomes his."

Elizabeth frowned with disbelief. "Really?"

John nodded. "And I know that isn't our custom, but she pleaded with me to go along with it… Plus she's been learning how to read the Ancient writings on their temple walls and is quite looking forward to being on Atlantis… and to meeting you. I've told her all about you," he grinned.

She shot him a smiling but dubious look. "You're just trying to soften me up."

He grinned again. "Is it working?"

She laughed a little then leaned forward, resting her own arms in a mirror of his on the desk. "What exactly do you expect will happen now?" she asked.

John frowned. "Well, I thought we'd just carry on as normal and Teanna would become one of the family."

"I thought she'd already done that," she quipped with a smile.

He playfully narrowed his eyes at her. "You know what I mean."

"Are you sure she wants to stay?"

"She's certainly excited about it at the moment. We can always let her go home if she changes her mind."

She sat back and considered all the information for a moment; then she took another moment to build up to asking the inevitable question: "Does she expect to be here as your wife?"

John frowned. "What?"

"If she stays… Will the two of you be… married?"

His eyes glazed with panic and his frown deepened. "She knows that was just a misunderstanding. She won't expect - … Will she?"

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps there are things you and your wife need to discuss?"

John sighed and dropped back in his chair. "Why did this have to happen to me?" he said. "Why couldn't Rodney have saved her?"

"So you could do the giggling instead of the thinking?"

"Exactly," he smiled.

"Well, in future, you'll have to remember to take a step back from 'hero' and let Rodney get the girl," she teased.

"Oh, but what if they're pretty?" he pouted.

"Well, Earth custom only allows you one wife… I'm afraid those days are over," she smirked.

He offered her another glare then nodded slowly, returning to the more serious thread of their conversation. "I need to talk to Teanna."

"Yes you do… And then I do… And then we'll go from there."

He nodded again and stood up turning to leave.

"Ask Rodney, Teyla and Ronon to still come to see me as arranged. You can take that time to talk to Teanna," she said before he left the room.

He stopped at the door and turned back, opening his mouth as if to speak, but closing it again without a word. He simply held her gaze for a few seconds, his eyes swirling with a mixture of confusion and sadness that startled her. But, with a curt nod, he left before she had chance to question it.

TBC…


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

A week later, Elizabeth was on her way to her quarters late one night; a day of debriefings and meetings having finally exhausted her. As she rounded a corner, a nearby door opened and she heard a familiar voice bidding the room's occupant goodnight.

Her mind worked quickly to realise she was approaching the quarters that had been assigned to Teanna, and she fought down the unexpected surge of what felt a lot like jealousy again, plastering a smile in place in preparation for facing John.

He exited the room backwards, so she stopped to ensure he wouldn't walk into her. She waited the couple of seconds it took until he turned round, and her smile widened, briefly, in a small laugh when he practically jumped backwards when he saw her.

"Hey!" he smiled, recovering from his shock.

"Hi," she replied, laughter settled into a smirk.

"Is this a new hobby?" he asked.

She frowned for a split second then grinned. "Yes… Sneaking up on you: a new fun way to spend the early hours of the morning."

John frowned and glanced at his watch "Wow! I didn't realise it was so late."

Hit by possible implications of that, and remembering where John had just come from, Elizabeth once again fought off the jealousy-type feeling.

"How come you're still awake?" he asked her.

"Oh, you know, time flies when you're having fun," she said with a shrug.

"Rodney's power consumption report?" he asked, with an understanding nod.

She laughed again and nodded affirmatively.

He joined her in laughing. "I read the beginning and the end," he said, "I could guess what happened in the middle."

She rolled her eyes, playfully, momentarily acknowledging how easily he could make her feel at ease, without him even knowing he was doing it. Of course, the acknowledgment of that fact reminded her that she had, inexplicably, been feeling uneasy, and thus the feeling returned. She glanced, subconsciously, towards the door of Teanna's room, and forced another smile.

"Er …Walk me to my quarters?" she asked, wanting to get away from that room.

John nodded. "Sure… If you've actually made the decision to sleep, I don't want to hinder that," he smirked.

She narrowed her eyes at him and the two of them resumed her path along the corridor.

"So, how is Teanna settling in?" she asked after a moment's silence.

"She loves it… I mean, remember what we were like when we first arrived?" he grinned. "This place is amazing."

Elizabeth smiled too, recalling the mixture of excitement and apprehension that she had felt upon her arrival.

"She's very grateful to us – to you – for letting her stay," he added.

"Well, I couldn't throw your wife out on the streets, could I?" she smirked.

This time it was John's eyes that narrowed. "Feel free to stop mentioning that any time," he said.

A small giggle preceded Elizabeth's response. "Oh I could… But I don't think Rodney is ever going to let it go."

"Oh he will… I'll see to that," he stated confidently.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Do you have ammunition to use against Rodney?" she asked, her tone one of intrigue.

He simply grinned and tapped the side of his nose.

Shaking her head, Elizabeth continued walking, and soon they had arrived, in comfortable silence, outside her quarters. "Well, this is me," she said as they came to a halt.

John nodded. "Okay, well, have a good night."

Elizabeth smiled. "Thank you. You too."

John nodded again and she turned to open the door. As she stepped inside, she could feel John's eyes on her back, so she turned as she crossed the threshold. "Is everything all right, John?" she asked.

When he just nodded again, she couldn't help but giggle.

"What?" he asked, frowning.

She shook her head. "Nothing." But she was still giggling.

He raised his eyebrows. "You're very giggly tonight."

"I'm very tired tonight," she said, more seriously, in explanation of her giddiness.

"Is everything all right?" he asked her with a small smile as he mimicked her earlier question.

She nodded, solemnly.

"See, when I gave that answer, you laughed at me," he stated, a small pout on his lips.

"I was laughing with you," she retorted.

"I wasn't laughing."

A slow smirk spread across her lips – her mind pointing out that it was a rather flirtatious smirk, before she cut it off, choosing to ignore it. "Is that my problem… Colonel?" The addition of the 'Colonel' was intended to show her mind that she most definitely was not flirting.

"I think it's time for bed, Doctor," he stated, definitively, his eyes narrowing again.

Elizabeth nodded in agreement. "I'll see you in the morning," she said, with a small smile.

"Later this morning," he corrected her.

She nodded again. "Of course… Night, John."

"Night, Elizabeth," he smiled.

For some reason, she hesitated for an extra second before closing the door.

-----

John's eyes shot open, darting around his room. It was just a dream. He was in Atlantis; he was in his own bed. And he was alone.

He closed his eyes again and tried to regulate his heavy breathing. His mind swam with images from his dream and he shook his head to try to disperse them. Failing at that, he pulled himself from the bed and headed for a cold shower.

-----

His dream recurred every night for the next week, growing more and more vivid each time; and there was something in the way Teanna had been looking at him lately that made him think perhaps he wasn't dreaming, he was remembering.

Of course, he had felt awkward around their new citizen since his first dream, and her behaviour could just be a result of that. After all, it was difficult to act normally around someone who appeared uneasy whenever you were in the room. But something inside him was saying that something was not right – and it was a part of him that he always trusted. His instinct.

-----

Elizabeth found him later that day, seated by a window in the mess hall, sipping at a cup of coffee as his mind ran over possible explanations for what was going on.

She smiled pleasantly and asked if she could join him, and, after his nodded consent, she sat down opposite him, placing her own cup on the table.

"Are you okay?" she asked him, concerned eyes studying him as he thought of his reply.

"I'm fine," he said, smiling reassuringly.

"You seemed distracted at the briefing this morning."

"I was just thinking about the mission," he lied.

Her brow creased in thought, and he knew she didn't believe him. He also knew, however, that she wouldn't push an issue he seemed to want to avoid talking about. And he silently thanked her for that.

He had considered talking to Elizabeth about his dreams, and his 'bad feeling', but couldn't get past his fear that she would be disappointed in him if she knew; and he couldn't bear the thought of having let her down. There were also the implications it might have for their relationship – not that they had anything more than a friendship – but they flirted, he thought, and there was always a chance it could develop into something more one day. That chance had survived his other 'encounters' with alien women, and, as the number of significant moments between he and Elizabeth had increased since the last time, he had determined that there would be no more 'encounters'.

She had teased him about Chaya, Teer and Mara two weeks ago when they were talking about how his 'marriage' had come to be but he had seen something that looked like jealousy cross her face, in front of the 'gate, before she replaced it with subtle anger. It had hurt her to hear that Teanna was his wife; and he saw how difficult it had been for her to ask if he had slept with her. And, while it hurt him to know he had caused her that pain, he was proud to be able to tell her that he hadn't.

He couldn't bring himself now to tell her that he was dreaming of himself and Teanna together; that the dreams were vivid and incredibly realistic and that he suspected they might be previously hidden memories resurfacing. He wanted to figure it out first, to know clearly in his own head whether or not it was true before he told her.

"You're sure that's all it is?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yeah… This one actually sounds quite interesting," he smiled.

He could see in her eyes that she was still dubious about his answer, but she smiled nevertheless. "Well, then I hope it is… I wouldn't want you to be disappointed."

She stood and left him alone. He frowned after her, unsure whether he had just imagined hostility in the way she had said her last words, or whether it had actually been there.

TBC…


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Indeed, the mission turned out to be exceptionally interesting. The people of the town nearest to the Stargate were very much like the Athosians. They were a farming community, with little advanced technology, and were very willing to trade with the people from the city of the Ancestors.

Rodney and Teyla had been taken on a tour of one of the farms, while John and Ronon discussed possible terms of the trade agreement – Elizabeth would finalise the arrangements at a later date. It was Rodney's excitement upon returning to the town that marked the start of the interesting part of the mission. At the end of one of the fields, protruding from the soil, was what looked liked the top of the central tower of Atlantis.

John's sense of déja-vu had been accompanied by a sense of trepidation, which was understandable after what had happened last time they had found another Ancient city. Rodney had managed to put his mind at ease though, assuring him the city was not in use, and informing him that he had detected the presence of at least one ZPM.

Their stay was extended by a few more days, after the town's leaders consented to Atlantis sending an exploration team; and Major Lorne and his team, and a scientific contingent, led by Doctor Zelenka, joined them.

John's dreams continued while on the planet, and, when the latest one gave him more information as to why he had not remembered the events earlier, he found an excuse to return to Atlantis so that he could talk to Teanna.

-----

Elizabeth's head was swimming with all the information that Rodney was sending back from M3H-542. Part of her wished that she hadn't sent Zelenka to join them, that way he would be here to absorb all of the information and condense it into a few sentences for her.

She had hoped that John's surprise return would be of assistance to her, in that perhaps he could give her a less scientific account of what was going on. However, he had stopped to speak with her for only a few minutes, saying that he had just come back to collect some 'bits and pieces' that the scientists needed. When she had asked him for any insight into the progress of the mission, he had said that Rodney could explain it much better than he could, before excusing himself and walking away.

All in all, it had been an unusual day so far, and Elizabeth now had a sandwich in one hand, a drink in the other, and was heading to the balcony she thought was least likely to be the first one they would look on if trying to find her.

The doors opened as she approached and she froze when she saw that the balcony was not empty.

John and Teanna quickly stepped apart from the embrace they had been in, looking as startled as she was and the air crackled with an uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry," Elizabeth stammered eventually, and turned to leave.

She took a couple of steps down the corridor, and the doors closed behind her. She stopped walking and closed her eyes, fighting down the now all too familiar feeling of discomfort that she got from seeing John and Teanna anywhere near each other. It was an irrational feeling; she had no right to be jealous or hurt, but it didn't matter how many times she told herself that, she still felt it.

She heard the doors open and quickly resumed walking, in a lame attempt to disguise the fact that she had been standing still.

"Elizabeth!" John called after her, and she turned to face him; pretending to be unaffected, neutral smile firmly in place.

"John, I'm so sorry. I didn't think anyone would be out there… I was just looking to escape for a few minutes."

He stopped in front of her. "I just needed to talk to Teanna –"

"John, you don't need to explain… Did you manage to find everything you need to take back to M3H-542?" she asked, quickly changing the subject.

He looked reluctant to follow this new line of conversation but, after a moment, thankfully did. "Doctor Thomas is gathering it all for me."

"Ah, good idea… You wouldn't want to take the wrong things back, Rodney would never let you live it down," she smiled.

He was silent, and she could see in the seriousness of his eyes that he was about to redirect the conversation back to what she was avoiding. "Elizabeth – "

"John," she stopped him, a reassuring smile on her lips, and a hand placed on his arm. "You don't have to explain." She gave him another smile for effect and then turned back to the corridor to head for the nearest transporter. Her office might be the first place people would look for her, but in its relative privacy was the only place she wanted to be right now.

"I want to!" he stated from behind her.

She stopped, her eyes slipping closed. She didn't want to hear it. "John…"

"Please?" he asked, his voice now very close to her ear.

God, his proximity was only going to make it worse.

She swallowed and turned around, her eyes having to look up to meet his. "It's none of my business," she stated, trying to sound as if she believed that.

The corner of his mouth twitched into a smirk. "How do you know that unless you let me tell you what was going on?"

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. "You know what I meant… Unless it is directly related to the smooth running of this city, I don't want to know."

"You don't _want_ to know?" he asked.

"I don't need to know."

"You said 'want'."

"I meant 'need'… Anyway, what difference does it make?"

"Want and need mean two different things."

'_Not when it comes to you_,' she thought, startling herself. "Well that depends on the context," she responded, immediately regretting not putting an end to this tangent.

He raised an eyebrow. "I guess that's true."

"It is… But, regardless of the many possibly meanings of 'want' and 'need', I neither _need_ nor _want_ to know why you and Teanna were on the balcony… Unless you were conspiring to bring the Wraith by for a visit."

John's face remained serious. "Damn it! You're on to us!"

Elizabeth smiled. "Just let me know when they'll be arriving… Can I go and eat my lunch now?"

"If I say no, are you gonna stay?"

She shook her head.

"Well, then… sure," he said, nodding once.

"Thank you, Colonel… Now, I suggest you get back to M3H-542 as soon as possible… And that's an order," Elizabeth quipped before turning way from him once more and, this time, actually managing to make it to the transporter.

-----

Two days later, Atlantis was preparing for a visit from the people of M3H-542. Having seen inside the Ancient structure on their own planet, while assisting the Atlantean visitors, they were curious to see what a working city looked like. Therefore, Elizabeth had invited them to Atlantis to conclude the trade negotiations. A delegation of seven was due to arrive later in the day, along with the last few Atlantis expedition members who remained on the planet.

Elizabeth was in the mess hall, sampling the dishes that would be served to their visitors, when a shadow was cast over the table. Looking up, she was surprised to see Teanna standing before her, a pleasant smile on her face.

"Teanna," she smiled, trying not to show her surprise.

"Doctor Weir, could I speak with you for a moment?" Teanna asked.

"Of course," Elizabeth said, gesturing for her to sit down. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if I could be of any assistance during today's visit."

Elizabeth's eyes widened slightly. She didn't know what she had been expecting, but she hadn't been expecting that. "Oh… Thank you. I'm sure we can find something for you to help with… In fact, you can help me… Philip, our self-declared catering manager, is making me taste various dishes he has created. He refuses to just serve turkey sandwiches to our guests."

Teanna laughed softly. "John will be disappointed."

"Yes he will," Elizabeth agreed, also laughing.

While the women laughed, Philip approached the table and placed a plate down in front of Elizabeth.

"Athosian Apple Crumble," he announced with pride.

Elizabeth directed her smile at him. "Thank you… Could we have another spoon, please?"

Philip produced the requested item from behind his back. "I thought you might ask that," he said, smiling first at Elizabeth and then at Teanna before saying, "Bon apetit, ladies," and walking away.

Teanna studied the food in front of them. "This looks… interesting," she commented, with a small smile.

"Apple crumble is delicious," Elizabeth stated, eyes sparkling with excitement at the mere thought of it. "Athosian 'apples' are similar to Earth apples, but they're not as… sweet… But, the only way to know if this is nice is to try it… So…" she trailed off as she indicated for Teanna to take the first spoonful of the dessert.

Teanna nodded and scooped a mixture of apple and pastry onto her spoon, then Elizabeth followed suit and they both took their first taste.

It wasn't much different to back on Earth and Elizabeth savoured the flavours she hadn't experienced for years. Teanna didn't look very impressed though. Elizabeth watched as their newest expedition member frowned, chewing the food and then swallowing, still looking uncertain.

"Don't you like it?" Elizabeth asked.

"I have never eaten such a combination of tastes in one dish before… It is unusual," Teanna replied.

"Good unusual or bad unusual?"

A smile crept across the other woman's lips. "I'm sure I can get used to it."

Elizabeth nodded. "Good," she said, and they continued to eat.

After a few more spoonfuls Elizabeth decided to make further conversation. She hadn't really spoken to Teanna, except for passing greetings in the corridors, since she had first arrived. It was partly due to her busy schedule, and partly because she was not sure how to talk to the woman who was causing all the feelings of jealousy within her. A part of her wanted to hate Teanna for no other reason than that she was John's 'wife'. And Elizabeth hated that part because she had no claim over John. They were colleagues, and friends and, sure, they flirted every now and again but, given their positions, nothing could ever really happen between them. So what right did she have to hate Teanna? It made her angry with herself… and, curiously, also with John because, in her mind, he was somehow responsible for all of this.

"So, how are you settling in?" she asked. "We haven't had chance to speak since just after you arrived."

"I have been made to feel at home," Teanna answered. "John has been very helpful. Showing me around the city, and introducing me to people… And Rodney is always willing to explain to me what he is working on."

Elizabeth laughed. "Yes, Rodney is very accommodating."

"Do you miss your world? Earth?" Teanna asked as Elizabeth took another spoonful of crumble.

"Sometimes," Elizabeth admitted. "But when I go back to Earth, I miss Atlantis," she smiled. "Are you missing your home?"

Teanna shook her head. "I miss my father, of course… But I always knew that I would leave… I never imagined I'd be coming to a place like this though."

"Well, I'm glad we could exceed your expectations," Elizabeth grinned. "Atlantis is an amazing city."

"It is," Teanna agreed. "I must thank you again for allowing me to stay here, Doctor Weir… I realise you didn't have to."

"Please, call me Elizabeth, and there is no need to thank me," Elizabeth said, shaking her head.

Teanna placed her spoon onto the plate, and looked at Elizabeth with a serious expression. "I think there is. My arrival seems to have caused… unease between you and John… That was never my intention. I was aware, before coming here, that John did not think of me as his wife. I have never expected to be more to him than a friend."

Elizabeth frowned. "Teanna, you haven't caused any problems between me and John."

"That is not how it seems… But perhaps I am mistaken. I know neither of you very well. I may be misreading the situation," she said with a pleasant smile.

Elizabeth gave a small smile and nodded, unable to bring herself to say anything else in her defence; because she couldn't bring herself to lie again.

TBC…


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

From the smiles on the faces of both John and Doctor Weir as they bid their farewells to the departing Keylaren representatives, Teanna thought it was safe to assume that trade negotiations had been concluded favourably.

She had enjoyed spending time with the people of Keylara – or M3H-542, as the Atlanteans called it – and having been permitted to attend the welcoming luncheon had also given her the opportunity to meet several more of Atlantis' personnel.

There were so many people in this vast city that she had met only a small proportion of them since her arrival. Today she had spoken with more of the scientific department, and the more she learned of the discoveries they were making, the more she felt that she would like to be part of that team.

She had discussed this with Doctor Zelenka during the luncheon and he had suggested that she speak to Doctor Weir. He had also urged her to do it quickly, stating that the more people there were in the department, the less chance there was of Rodney speaking to him as often. They had laughed at this, but she couldn't help but feel that there was some amount of sincerity in his words. And this suspicion had been confirmed by the silent appeal for help she had received when Rodney had approached and started speaking – very quickly – to Doctor Zelenka about shields and control chairs. She had stepped in and expressed an interest in what he was saying, and Rodney had, willingly, started to explain it all to her instead.

She had decided she would speak to John, once the visit was over, and see what he thought of her idea. However, watching him now, as he stood in front of the 'gate with Doctor Weir, she concluded that her request could wait. She hoped her earlier conversation with Doctor Weir would inspire the leader to consider talking to John about the distance that seemed to have opened up between them, and leaving him with her now would hopefully mean that this conversation would take place sooner rather than later.

She turned to leave the 'gateroom, stumbling slightly and leaning on the wall for support, as she suddenly felt dizzy. Remembering that this was the second time that had happened that day, she realised it was probably best that she had decided to go back to her quarters. This had been her busiest day since arriving in Atlantis, and, clearly, it had exhausted her.

-----

"Well," Elizabeth began, turning away from the 'gate as it deactivated after the last of the Keylaren delegation had passed through. "That went well."

John, Teyla and Rodney all nodded their agreement.

"Yes… A day well spent, I think," Rodney commented. "I'll go and start preparing for when we get the ZPM."

Elizabeth laughed as he turned away from the group. "Rodney!" she called after him, continuing when he turned back. "Take a night off."

Rodney frowned as if the concept was new to him.

"It means you don't do any work tonight," John said, earning himself a glare from the scientist.

"I am aware of that, Colonel, thank you… I might just run a few… simulations," he muttered and then turned to leave the room once more.

Elizabeth shook her head slowly. "I suppose I should be pleased that he's so dedicated," she said, slight inflection at the end of the sentence making it sound like it could have been a question.

"Ronon and I will visit him later, and ensure that he stops working at a reasonable hour," Teyla offered with an assuring smile.

Elizabeth smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Teyla."

Teyla nodded – her way of saying that no thanks were necessary – and glanced first at John, and then at Elizabeth before saying, "I must go and see if Ronon has returned from the mainland… Please excuse me."

Elizabeth frowned at the retreating form of the Athosian leader. "Do you get the feeling Teyla was trying to get away from us?" she asked, turning her head to look at John when he didn't reply. "John?"

He just shrugged his shoulders, and quickly said: "Can we talk?"

Elizabeth's frown deepened. "Please don't tell me you're all having doubts about this trade agreement and nobody thought to mention it before now," she said, half-joking.

John's expression remained serious.

"John?"

"I just… I need to talk to you… It's not about the Keylarens. I think this is one of the best alliances we've formed in a long time."

That was of no comfort, as it was the only alliance they had formed in a long time, but she would take John's word for it that he didn't want to talk about the Keylarens.

"Okay… Let's go to my office," she suggested, starting to walk in that direction.

She stopped when she felt his hand on her elbow. "Could we go somewhere more private?" he asked when she sent him a questioning glance.

She raised an eyebrow. "Sure… The balcony?"

"It's raining," John replied, motioning towards the window, where water was streaming down the glass.

Elizabeth looked up and frowned. She hadn't noticed. "Oh yeah." Looking back to John, she took a step closer to him. "Then where do you suggest we talk?"

---

Ten minutes later, they were entering John's quarters.

John let out a small laugh as he moved a couple of items of clothing off a chair so Elizabeth could sit down. "It's a good thing I tidied up this morning… I must have known I'd be having guests."

Though it sounded like he was joking, Elizabeth considered that there might be some truth behind his words. "Have you been intending to have this conversation with me all day?" she asked, further intrigued about the topic if that was the case.

John seemed momentarily surprised and confused by her question before realisation dawned and he shook his head. "Oh… no… I just meant that it was a coincidence," he smiled, although it appeared nervous, and didn't reach his eyes.

Elizabeth sat down on the chair that he had cleared for her and watched him carefully as he perched on the edge of his bed; deep in thought. She was growing more concerned about him with each passing minute. His behaviour was unusual and his withdrawn distraction disconcerting. She was about to ask him the obvious 'Are you okay?' when he spoke.

"I've actually been trying to have this conversation with you for a few days," he revealed, his voice quiet, but loud enough in the silence that had previously filled the room.

Elizabeth's eyebrows rose at his revelation, but he continued before she could respond.

"… But, with the visit to plan for… And, well, me being on M3H-542, it was difficult to get you on your own."

When she was certain he wasn't going to continue Elizabeth said, "You should have said something… I wasn't aware that you were trying to get me on my own… I'd have arranged something if I'd known."

John looked at her for the first time now, with an attempt at a smirk on his lips. "Really?"

Elizabeth smiled. "Of course."

"Any excuse to be alone with me, huh?" he joked, but the teasing tone didn't match his sombre expression.

"If you want us to be alone," she replied, hoping their usual flirtatious tone might make it easier for him to talk to her.

His eyes met hers, but, if anything, he seemed to look more sad.

"John…" she said, her concern now closer to fear.

"Elizabeth, I – "

He stopped as Carson's voice came through their headsets. "Colonel Sheppard, could you come to the infirmary, please? Immediately."

John frowned, replied that he was on his way and stood from the bed. "Can we continue this later? I do need to speak to you."

Standing up, Elizabeth nodded. "Sure… Let me know if I'm needed in the infirmary will you?"

John nodded too as they walked out of the room. "I'm telling myself it can't be too serious if he hasn't asked for you as well."

Elizabeth smiled. "It makes a refreshing change."

-----

Elizabeth had collected a cup of coffee from the mess hall, called into Rodney's lab, intrigued by all the noise she could hear as she was passing, then decided she didn't actually want to know what was going on when she saw something that looked like ball bearings scattered all over the floor and walked into her office and sat down. Then her headset chirped and the familiar voice of Carson Beckett requested her presence in the infirmary.

She abandoned the coffee on her desk, and made her way there.

On entering the room, she instantly saw Teanna sitting up in one of the beds, John standing to one side of her, and Carson to the other.

"Teanna?" she said as she approached, "Are you okay?"

Teanna smiled reassuringly. "I am quite well, Doctor Weir."

Confused as to why, therefore, the younger woman was in the infirmary, Elizabeth glanced at John and Carson for confirmation of this.

"Two marines found Teanna in the corridor just outside here," Carson explained. "It appears she had fainted."

"Do you know why?" Elizabeth asked, thinking that it must be something serious if they had called for her.

Carson looked briefly at Teanna and then at John before replying. "Yes we do… And we thought that you should be informed because it may have… implications for the expedition."

"What kind of implications?" she asked, looking at John now to judge the level of concern necessary by his expression. He didn't meet her eyes though, remaining focused on Teanna. Whether the avoidance was intentional or not, she couldn't tell.

Frowning she looked back to Carson, who turned to Teanna. "Would you like me to tell her, love, or would you like to do it?"

Teanna looked from the doctor to Elizabeth, the smile on her lips looking tainted by nervousness. "Doctor Beckett tells me… that I am pregnant," she announced, seeming a little wary of what response she might receive.

Elizabeth's eyes widened. "Pregnant?" she asked, to make sure she wasn't hearing things – although she couldn't actually think why she would imagine hearing that.

Teanna nodded, watching Elizabeth with apprehension as if waiting for an explosion. After another beat of silence, Elizabeth realised she hadn't said anything.

"Oh… well, then congratulations," she smiled.

A genuine smile broke out on Teanna's face. "Thank you… I was not sure how you would react."

"Did you not know you were pregnant before you came to Atlantis?" Elizabeth asked.

Teanna shook her head, and Carson offered an explanation. "Teanna appears to be only a few weeks pregnant. She wasn't aware of that, but it seems my Ancient equipment can detect it."

"You didn't know that?" John asked, in a somewhat snappy tone, speaking for the first time since Elizabeth had arrived.

"Well, I have never scanned a pregnant woman with it before, Colonel…" Carson responded defensively, "Teanna is the first we've had on Atlantis."

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth said, softly but authoritatively, to end their argument before it began.

"If this is going to be a problem for your expedition," Teanna said to Elizabeth, "I will return to my planet."

"No," John responded quickly. "It won't be a problem… Just another challenge, right?" he said, glancing at Elizabeth.

"Atlantis may not be safe for a child," Elizabeth said, frowning at John's reaction. "But if we can accommodate both you and the baby, then we will… We will have to talk about it further."

Teanna nodded. "I understand. The safety of your people must be your first priority."

"The safety of everyone on Atlantis is my priority… My concern is that if we were attacked, we may not be able to protect your baby."

"Nowhere in this galaxy is safe from a Wraith attack," John commented.

"I know that, John…" Elizabeth said, trying to resist glaring at him. "I have said we will discuss it further…" she turned back to Teanna, smiling, "I'm sure you'd like some time for the fact that you're pregnant to sink in before we start talking about what will happen when the baby is born."

Teanna nodded. "It has come as quite a surprise."

"Would you like us to contact anyone for you? Your father perhaps? He could come to Atlantis," Elizabeth offered.

"Perhaps in a few weeks…" Teanna said.

Elizabeth nodded, understanding that Teanna wanted some time to adjust to the news before telling anyone else. "Okay. We'll leave you to rest now… John, could I speak to you for a moment?"

Elizabeth said goodbye to Teanna and Carson and then left the infirmary, John following behind her.

-----

Elizabeth waited until they were in the transporter before starting the conversation she wanted to have with John.

"What was that?" she asked as the doors closed.

John frowned, claiming not to know what she was talking about.

"There are things that need to be considered before we can say whether or not we can have a baby in Atlantis," she said.

"You can't tell Teanna she is welcome here and then take it back just because she's pregnant," John argued.

"I'm not… I don't want to have to tell her she must leave… But we get attacked two or three times a year at least. That is no place for a child to be…"

"As I've said… With the Wraith out there, nowhere is safe for a child."

Elizabeth nodded, containing her reply until they had walked through the control room and into her office.

"I know…" she said as she sat on the edge of her desk. "But, I also would have thought Teanna would like to go home… And the baby's father might like to know he has a child."

John's eyes broke contact with hers as she said that, and he looked to the floor. It took a couple of seconds before realisation finally hit her. And when it did, it seemed to physically hurt.

"You think you're the father," she stated, swallowing hard.

John looked up at her again, eyes as sorrowful as she had seen them earlier, in his quarters. "I think it's possible."

Elizabeth nodded slowly, trying to shake the sick feeling that had taken hold of her before she spoke again. "But… you said you – " She stopped as she remembered the night she had found him coming out of Teanna's quarters; and the day she found them on the balcony – they'd obviously grown closer while Teanna had been in the city. Either that or he had lied to her about sleeping with the young woman before bringing her to Atlantis.

He stepped towards her. "I didn't lie to you, Elizabeth," he said quickly, as if reading her thoughts.

"No, of course you didn't," she said, moving away from him, and round to the other side of her desk. "If you are the father," she continued quickly, not wanting to know the details of his relationship with Teanna, "then obviously this changes things. Teanna can stay, of course… Unless you both want to go back to Teanna's planet; or to Earth. I'd –"

"Elizabeth..."

She stopped talking at his interruption and looked at him, allowing his eyes to meet hers.

"I just found out about the baby… I'm not ready to have this conversation."

Elizabeth dropped her eyes and sat down, poising her elbows on her desk, and perching her chin atop of them. "I'm sorry," she said, softly.

John gave a sympathetic smile. "You seem to be handling this worse than I am," he commented, sitting down opposite her.

Elizabeth laughed, but knew that there was truth in what he was saying. She wasn't handling the news well, and it concerned her that she was so affected by it. "It's just a situation I never expected we would be in," she said.

John frowned and she realised her words could be interpreted in many ways. "I never expected people to start having children…" she explained - a convincing enough reasoning, despite not being entirely true to what she had been thinking.

"I guess it was inevitable," John responded.

She had the urge to reply that it was if he went round sleeping with a woman on every planet, but she chose instead to simply nod slowly, feeling further disturbed by the fact that she had even had that thought.

"This is kinda what I wanted to talk to you about," John said after a moment's silence. "The reason I think the baby is mine – "

"John, I told you, it's none of my business – " she interrupted him, really not wanting to hear what he wanted to say.

"It was your business when Teanna first arrived, and you asked if I'd slept with her," John countered her interruption.

"I was just trying to establish how the two of you had come to be 'married'," she replied, pleased that she could, in fact, still think logically. "You explained it to me, and now whether or not you've slept with her since is none of my business."

"I have – "

"I don't want to know, John."

"There's that 'want' again," he said, his eyes seeming to study her closely.

Elizabeth sighed. "Want, need, it doesn't matter… Your private life does not need to be explained to me… The same goes for everyone. I don't expect Carson to keep me informed of his relationship with Laura for example. I know that the relationship exists, that's all I need to know." At his look she added, "And that's all I want to know… Now, I really should try to get some work done, because any minute now Rodney is probably going to want to explain to me why there were ball bearings all over the floor of his lab… And I have a small feeling that I might lose the power of coherent thought after that." She included a small smile at the end so he wouldn't think she was being abrupt with him.

He held her gaze for what seemed like an eternity, and she could see his thought processes in his eyes; she knew that he was pondering whether or not to give up trying to explain, and behind her pleasant smile, she prayed that he would decide in her favour.

Eventually he nodded once - more to himself than to her, she thought. "Okay…" he said, "I'll leave you in peace… Because you definitely won't get any once Rodney gets here."

She smiled with relief, hoping it just came across as amusement to him. "Thank you."

He nodded again and somewhat reluctantly turned and walked out of her office.

She watched him go and dropped back in her chair, leaning her head against it, eyes closed, as she thought about the last half hour.

---

Had her eyes been open, she would have seen John come back to the doorway, stopping when he took in her appearance. She would have seen him open his mouth as if to speak and then decide against it.

And she would have seen him turn away, sadness etched across his normally calm features.

TBC…


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

It had been almost three weeks since the discovery that Teanna was pregnant and, in that time, John had seen Elizabeth fourteen times – excluding times that he actually 'saw' her but only as he passed by where she was, or vice versa, because those really didn't count.

Six of the fourteen times were mission briefings and debriefings, and six were her customary 'farewell's and 'welcome back's as his team left and returned from their missions. Leaving two occasions on which he had managed to see her on non-mission related terms. Once when there was a mysterious minor explosion in Rodney's lab and once when he bumped into her – literally – in the corridor as she was on her way to brief Major Lorne's team.

The chaos in the lab had not permitted the discussion of anything other than that situation, and they had talked only briefly – the standard questions about health and comments on the weather – as they recovered from the collision in the corridor before she rushed away to her meeting.

He had tried several times to create a situation in which he would be able to talk to her, and get her to listen to him about Teanna, but she was doing extremely well at avoiding him. She was never in her office when he expected her to be and she had taken to emailing him any information pertaining to the running of the city that he might need to know.

He had considered this same method of communication to tell her what he wanted her to hear, but it didn't feel right. It did however feel like the only way he could get through to her at all.

He emailed responses to her mails, ensuring that they were still on 'speaking terms', at least as far as the city was concerned. Then, two days earlier, he had emailed her a simple message; an appeal to what remained of their friendship:

"Elizabeth, I've been trying to get a moment alone with you. John."

He had not yet received a reply: resulting in his latest endeavour.

---

The door of Elizabeth's quarters opened and she stepped outside, jumping when she found John leaning against the wall beside the door.

"Sorry," he said, quietly.

"New hobby?" she quipped, unamused expression on her face and a hand over her heart.

John frowned, slightly confused that she had chosen words from a conversation they had before things seemed to go wrong. Ordinarily, her repetition of words said between them in jest would be expected, but given her all out avoidance of him lately, it seemed out of place now.

"What?" she asked, small frown now on her own face. Clearly he had been staring at her.

"I didn't mean to startle you," he said quickly. "I just… I hoped I would catch you before you got busy."

He could tell by the look on her face that she understood the meaning behind his words. Her eyes were briefly cast down towards the floor, before she looked back at him, sadness tainting the small smile she offered.

She nodded once, as if resigning herself to the inevitable, then said: "Okay… Why don't you come in?" and opened the door to her quarters.

He hesitated before crossing the threshold. Though he had been wanting to have this conversation, there was an element of hope that came with it not taking place. Until she confirmed his fears that she was avoiding him; that he had hurt her; that she was disappointed in him and their friendship was over, there was still a chance that he was just being paranoid. Once they did this, he would know for sure. And he wasn't sure he wanted to.

"I'd prefer to talk inside rather than on the corridor, Colonel."

Her voice cut into his thoughts, and he smiled apologetically and moved into the room; the door closing behind him.

She had sat down on her bed and was looking at him expectantly. "What's on your mind, Colonel?" she asked.

John's eyes widened a little in disbelief. "You mean apart from the fact that you're avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you, John," she said immediately and he didn't miss the use of his name now, not his rank.

"Then why am I now receiving emails about things we would have discussed in person? Why haven't we spoken to each other for nearly three weeks except for mission meetings, lab explosions and run-ins in the corridor?"

"You're just being paranoid. I've been busy. You know that."

"Am I also being paranoid about the look of disappointment I see every time you look at me?"

This time her response wasn't so quick. She did manage to hold his gaze though, and he saw a veil of something cross her eyes. It could have been determination; it could have been courage. Whatever it was, it didn't do a very good job of hiding the very look that he was asking about.

"No," she stated eventually.

His heart skipped a beat. He had expected her to lie.

"But," she continued, now breaking their eye contact, "It isn't you that I'm disappointed with… So you have no need to worry."

John's brow creased. She wasn't making sense. "It doesn't come across that way," he told her.

"I'm sorry," she said, though it was difficult to hear, with her face looking at her feet. Then suddenly she stood up, paced the room a little, as if frustrated, then turned back to him. "I'm sorry," she repeated, more audibly this time. "I will try to speak with you in person and not by email – unless absolutely necessary; I will endeavour to speak to you outside of work sometimes and – "

"Elizabeth, in friendship, you don't have to try so hard. Shouldn't all that come naturally?"

She almost looked scared now. "It will," she said, softly but categorically.

"Not 'It does.'?" he asked, sadly.

Her eyes shared his sadness. "Not lately," she answered him, quietly.

His fears confirmed, he nodded slowly, "But it will?" he asked, daring to hope that she had meant that when she said it.

Now she nodded. "It will."

"And you can be sure it will?"

"I'm determined it will."

Their eyes met again, and he saw sincerity in them that simultaneously relaxed and angered him. Part of him was glad that she wished to repair their friendship, but part of him was frustrated that she had let it get to the point of needing that repair. If she cared so much then why had she so easily given up on him, without allowing him to explain?

He stayed a moment longer, lost in his thoughts of how things had managed to go so wrong between the two of them, and then he dropped his eyes from hers, and gestured towards the door.

"I'll let you get to work," he said, heading towards the exit.

"John," she said, stopping him before he managed to even open the door. "Don't you want to talk about Teanna?"

He remained facing the door for a few seconds as he considered that question. That had been his intention in going to her quarters, but now… "I don't think there's any point," he said, turning to face her as he spoke, but turning back and leaving before she had chance to respond.

-----

It was another three days before Elizabeth found out what John had been trying to tell her.

Major Lorne's team had returned from their mission bruised and bleeding but, luckily, alive. Lorne himself was the most severely injured, and Elizabeth had spent over an hour in the infirmary waiting for positive news about his condition. When it finally came, fresh air called to her, and she headed for an out of the way balcony – a different balcony, once again, to the one on which she had found John and Teanna. As much as she hated how she had reacted to all of this, she still couldn't face that one.

The door opened and cool air rushed towards her and then it was almost like déja vu. Except Teanna was alone on the balcony.

"Doctor Weir," the younger woman greeted her with a smile when she turned around to see who had joined her outside.

It would be rude to turn and run – which is what she felt like doing – and it also would get her no nearer to her goal of being able to speak to both John and Teanna without feeling betrayed.

"Teanna," she greeted, stepping further outside so that the doors closed. "I must insist that you call me Elizabeth," she continued with a smile.

"I am sorry. I am finding that difficult to get used to," Teanna responded, still smiling. "As we get to know each other better, I am sure it will become my nature."

Elizabeth nodded, and leaned her forearms against the railing, looking out to the ocean. "It's a beautiful view, isn't it?" she asked when she saw Teanna move up beside her.

"It is," Teanna agreed. "My father will be truly amazed at the beauty of this city… May I make a request of you … Elizabeth?"

"Of course," she replied, expecting it to be an acceptance of the offer she made for Teanna's father to visit her.

"It is a custom of my people to bless an unborn child… Especially one conceived under lo'men. When I spoke to my father last week, he asked that I return to my planet for a few days for the ceremony… And, upon my return to Atlantis, I would be grateful if my father could accompany me."

Elizabeth stood up straight. "That's fine… Would you like anyone to go with you?" she asked, despite knowing that she probably wouldn't like the answer.

"I will ask John," Teanna replied, "But I understand that he has responsibilities here. I would not expect him to change his life for me."

"I'm sure he can be spared for a few days," Elizabeth said, managing to force what she hoped was a convincing smile. "He is your baby's father, and this is an important occasion."

Teanna smiled gratefully. "Thank you… My people believe that a child conceived during lo'men will grow up to achieve great things. During lo'men a couple is spiritually connected. The spirits place extra blessings on the child and guide them throughout their lives… I was a child of lo'men. That's how I knew I would leave my people. My father always told me I had an explorer's nature, and that the spirits of lo'men would guide me wherever I chose to go."

Elizabeth smiled, both at the story and what she had realised Teanna was doing. "Okay…" she yielded. "You've said it enough times… I'll bite… What is lo'men?"

Teanna offered Elizabeth an 'innocent' smile and then looked back to the ocean. "On the night of their union – wedding, I believe you call it – a couple is given lo'men… It is a drink that helps the couple achieve their spiritual connection -"

"Teanna – " Elizabeth interrupted, not ready to hear any more and wondering what exactly Teanna was trying to do by telling her.

The other woman turned around, a more serious, concerned expression now on her face and she interrupted Elizabeth. "I have learned that the after-effects of lo'men are similar to drinking large amounts of … alcohol?" she said, a question in her tone, as she checked she was using the correct word.

Intrigued by this, Elizabeth nodded and remained silent for her to continue.

"I did not remember the events of my… wedding night until a few days later… And then the memories came as visions in my sleep and I did not think they were real…"

An overwhelming feeling of guilt rushed over Elizabeth and her head dropped to face the ground as the implications of Teanna's words soaked in.

"It was," Teanna continued, "only when John said that he was having the same … dreams… that we realised what must have happened that night. When Doctor Beckett told me I was pregnant, that confirmed it." She stepped closer to Elizabeth, her voice soft and apologetic as she added: "John wouldn't lie to you Elizabeth… He has not been himself since you declared that you think he would."

Elizabeth looked up, shocked at the accusation. "I never said that," she protested.

"I know," Teanna said, smiling understandingly, obviously not trying to be confrontational. "But so much between the two of you is unspoken… Perhaps it is time to talk."

-----

Elizabeth found John in the infirmary, laughing with Major Lorne – the latter holding his chest in pain as he laughed.

"Doctor Weir," Lorne greeted her as he noticed her walk in.

John turned in her direction and nodded; a smile still on his lips, but she couldn't help but feel that it simply remained from whatever the two men had been laughing about.

"How are you feeling, Major?" she asked, stopping at the end of his bed.

"I'll be much better once I'm out of this bed!" Lorne declared.

"Colonel Sheppard, have you been encouraging your officers to adopt your attitude to the infirmary?" Elizabeth teased, throwing a sideways glance at John.

John returned her glance, briefly, but this time his smile seemed false, as he said, "Of course. Can't have Beckett thinking it's just me, he'd be inclined not to believe that it's not nice to be cooped up in here."

Lorne smiled. "I'm always willing to help the cause."

Elizabeth laughed. "Your dedication is admirable."

"I'm gonna get going," John said, edging away from the bed. "I'll check on you tomorrow and we'll implement stage one if he still hasn't let you out."

Lorne nodded, laughing again, and Elizabeth shook her head slowly, smiling, before realising John was leaving.

"Er, Colonel… I need to speak with you," she called to him, managing to catch him before he reached the door. She turned back to Lorne. "I'll see you tomorrow, Major… And unless Doctor Beckett tells me he discharged you, I expect to see you in this room."

"Yes Ma'am," Lorne grinned. "… Could you make sure you come by before eleven hundred hours then?"

Elizabeth shot him a mock-reprimand in the form of a glare then said good night and followed John out of the room.

---

"Do I want to know what stage one involves?" she asked as they stopped in the corridor.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you," he replied, and she was relieved that he was willing to joke like this with her, though it was in words only – his voice and expression were still as hurt as he had looked days ago in her quarters.

She smiled, but the awkward atmosphere that was ever present between them lately was like a crushing force around them. "John… Can we talk?" she asked softly, genuinely meaning it as a question. If he said no, she would understand.

John seemed to need to consider it; his eyes studying her for a moment. For the last few days she had seen an anger in them that unnerved her. Each time they had seen each other she couldn't help but feel that he would much rather be yelling at her. And, knowing what she did now, she couldn't blame him.

With a hopeful expression on her face, she held his pensive gaze for as long as it took before he answered her question with an acquiescing nod of the head.

She would have asked to go somewhere more private if impatience hadn't been glaring at her from behind his eyes; so instead she just took a couple of steps away from the infirmary doorway, and began her apology once he had followed her.

"I'm sorry," she said, quietly, "For doubting you; for not letting you explain everything…"

He didn't look impressed by her contrition, nor did he make any sort of comment, so she continued.

"… I spoke to Teanna earlier, she explained about lo'men; and about its after-effects; about the 'dreams'… Is that what you'd been trying to talk to me about?"

John folded his arms across his chest and nodded curtly. "Yeah."

Elizabeth nodded once, and said: "I'm sorry I wouldn't listen."

John held her gaze for a while, making her feel uneasy under his look of concentration. Then he shrugged his shoulders, and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "I'll let you off, if you have a good explanation," he said, trying to school his expression into a serious one.

She raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"If you have a good explanation for why you never let me talk about me and Teanna," he explained, "Then I will forget that all this ever happened."

"And if I don't?" she asked, anxiously, not ready to tell him the real reason, but scared it would be the only way to get their friendship back.

John shrugged again. "Well… I'll forgive you anyway… Of course…" he smiled, reassuringly. "But I'd much rather hear the explanation."

Elizabeth smiled with relief, glancing down at her feet to compose herself. Looking back up she was even more relieved to find that most of the anger that had greeted her from John in the past weeks was gone. It was replaced by what looked like uncertainty – but at least that was a step in the right direction.

"Could we -- I'm not ready to explain," she said, hesitantly, "And, really, no explanation should suffice. I should have listened to you – "

"You should have trusted me," he cut in.

She nodded. "I should have… And I am so sorry that I didn't."

They stood in silence for what could have been hours, their gazes locked, their breathing in unison, and their conflicting emotions in their eyes. Then Elizabeth whispered:

"I miss you."

TBC…


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

"Will you speed up, McKay? We've only got a month before the baby's born, I'd like to have decorated the room by then!"

John was carrying a ladder in each hand; Elizabeth walked beside him, paint brushes in one hand, and dust sheets in the other; and Rodney was several feet behind them, dragging a trolley filled with cans of paint.

"Well maybe if the weight of the items had been distributed fairly, I'd be able to move faster than this!" McKay shot back, his voice slightly out of breath.

"I asked you if you wanted paint or ladders… Is it my fault you wanted to try to prove to Teanna that you're not just a geeky scientist?" John shot back, smirking in Elizabeth's direction as he spoke.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head slowly, briefly wondering if either of them would grow up once there was an actual baby living in Atlantis.

That was still a strange thought. She'd had months to adjust to the idea that a baby would be born on Atlantis, and to come to terms with the fact that it was John's. Yet both thoughts could still occasionally take her by surprise; as if it had all been a dream and she was suddenly remembering.

Regardless of whether or not she was fully prepared for the event, she was somewhat excited about this new step in their adventure. Yes they had seen newborn children since arriving in Pegasus – there had been one every few months from the Athosians lately - but this was different. This was the first child born to Atlantis personnel – and the first baby to start its life in Atlantis.

"I resent the insinuation that I need to prove that I'm not just a geeky scientist!" Rodney's words brought her out of the thoughtful trance she had fallen into. "And I resent the accusation that I would flirt with your wife!"

Elizabeth laughed at this reference. Not one week had passed since Teanna's arrival, during which Rodney did not take great pleasure in reminding John that he had got 'married'. She would have thought that John would be unaffected by it by now, but it still seemed to wind him up… And he still glared at her every time she laughed at Rodney's remarks.

Which only made her laugh more.

"You know, he probably would have let that drop a long time ago, if people didn't find it funny!" he reprimanded her; his serious expression only increasing her amusement.

"What's so funny?" McKay called from behind them. "I'm missing all the conversation," they heard him muttering to himself.

"Elizabeth's just trying to be funny," John told him. "But the only person amused is Elizabeth!"

She continued to laugh, undeterred by any of his supposed-to-be-scary looks, and had just about calmed down by the time they reached what would be Teanna's new quarters. They were larger than the other quarters the expedition members were using; having two bedrooms, separate from a living area. They had been deemed, by John, to be perfect for his child. There was enough space that John could stay with them whenever he wanted to; and it was this comment to Elizabeth, two months ago, that had been the first indication that he was feeling strange about his child being in the city, but not living with him.

He had explained to her, one night a few weeks later, over coffee in the mess hall, that he had always sworn he would never be an absent father. His own father had not been around a lot during his childhood, and he had promised his children would never doubt his love for them. He had always expected that his children would be born into a loving relationship, and would always know that their parents loved them and each other. He was finding it difficult to accept that this was out of his hands now.

Elizabeth had reached across the table and placed her hand on top of his.

"You may not be in love with Teanna," she had told him, "But the two of you share a bond, created through this baby, and your child will never doubt that he, or she, is in a loving family…" She had squeezed his hand once at this point, and then sat back in her seat, smiling thoughtfully. When he'd asked her what she was smiling about, she'd told him: "When I first found out you were going to be a father, I really couldn't picture it… But seeing you these last few months; seeing you love this unborn child, has shown me that you're really just a big softie."

Elizabeth let out a small laugh as she remembered the look on his face, as he didn't know whether to feel offended or touched.

"What are you laughing at now?" John asked her from just inside the quarters, where, evidently, he had moved to while she was lost in thought again.

"Oh, nothing," she said, shaking her head to dismiss the line of conversation, and joining him inside the room.

"We might as well get everything set up while we wait the half hour for Rodney to catch up," John commented, leaning the sets of ladders against one of the walls.

"Are you sure these walls are gonna take paint?" she asked him, as she moved into the bedroom he had told her would be for the baby, and began covering the furniture with the dust sheets.

"Of course they will!" he replied, leaning against the room's doorframe and watching her work.

"Did you test it, like I suggested?"

When he was silent, she paused in covering the bed, and looked up at him. "John?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine," he shrugged, walking back into the living area.

Elizabeth laughed to herself, and continued her task.

---

It was only a few minutes before Rodney wandered into the quarters, relieved to finally be able to let go of the trolley.

"I thought we were only decorating the baby's room," the scientist commented as he massaged his aching hands. "Did we really need to bring so much paint?"

John looked at him thoughtfully for a few seconds and then said, "Do you really want me to say no to that? … After you've brought it all here?"

Rodney opened his mouth as if to speak and then changed his mind, clearly resigning himself to the fact that John had a point. Elizabeth could practically hear him thinking to himself that there's a first time for everything, as Rodney moved to the side of the trolley and looked what he had just dragged across the city.

"So, are we going to make a start or are we waiting for Ronon and Teyla?" he asked as he examined the many tins of paint.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and looked at John, curious as to how he would handle this.

"Ronon and Teyla had to back out," he explained, glaring once more at Elizabeth for finding it all so entertaining.

Rodney's head snapped up. "What?"

"There's a party on the mainland – Teyla had to go… and Ronon's her date."

For a second Rodney looked like he was accepting it and then realisation dawned. "Wait! Is this the party they were talking about last week?"

Elizabeth hid a smile, and John frowned. "Er… It could be."

"So when you asked me, three days ago, to help you decorate, and said, and I quote, 'Oh come on, Ronon, Teyla and Elizabeth have agreed to help,' you were, in fact, lying?"

For a while, John looked as if he was still processing Rodney's statement, and then he said: "Elizabeth's here," with a shrug before grabbing a tin of paint and walking into the bedroom.

Rodney looked to Elizabeth, his expression silently asking what kind of answer that was. Elizabeth smiled sympathetically. "If you don't want to help, then go… He'll understand."

"It didn't seem like it," Rodney muttered.

"Rodney," she said, softly, stepping towards him, "In just over a month, he'll be a father… It's a lot to take in… I think he's kind of overwhelmed by it. He can't see that it isn't such a big deal to everyone else."

Rodney nodded understandingly. "Okay… I guess if it was the other way round, I'd expect him to be more helpful."

Elizabeth's smile widened. "Thank you, Rodney. Shall we get to work?"

Rodney nodded emphatically, and they both picked up a tin of paint and went to join John.

TBC…


	8. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

"I'm just saying common sense dictates trying the paint on the wall before – "

"It's working isn't it?" John spat back at Rodney, the strokes of his roller becoming faster against the wall, as the scientist gradually wound him up further.

"Yes, but knowing that we would have to put three coats on each wall would have – "

"Made no difference at all!" Elizabeth cut in, dropping her roller to the floor as she swung round to face the bickering men. They both stood facing her, eyes wide, shocked by her sudden out burst. "Rodney, I'm rather hungry, do you think you could go and get us all some food?" she asked, calmly and sweetly, emphasising 'all' so Rodney wouldn't exclude John, and appealing to his favourite subject – after Samantha Carter – food.

"Er…" he stumbled, obviously not wanting to refuse her request, but also mentally still caught up in his argument with John. "Er… certainly, Elizabeth, what would you like?" he asked, managing a smile, though glancing sideways at John who had now resumed full-force painting.

"Just grab a couple of sandwiches. I'm sure anything will be fine. And sandwiches will be easier for you to carry back with you."

Rodney nodded, and looked once more to John. "Er, Sheppard, any specific requests?" he asked, nicely.

"Turkey," John responded.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and raised her hand to indicate Rodney should stop before he voiced the words about to come out of his open mouth. "Thank you, Rodney. If you can manage to carry some drinks as well, that would be wonderful." She accompanied her words with a soothing look, telling him she would be talking to John while he was gone.

Rodney nodded again, and moved towards the door. "Right then. I'll be back as soon as possible."

Elizabeth waited until she heard the outer door close behind Rodney, and then moved her fallen roller onto the paint tray before perching on the edge of the covered bed, and starting her conversation with John.

"Are you okay?" she asked, gently.

"Yeah, it'll take more than Rodney's whinging to get me wound up," he replied, shooting her an assuring half-smile.

"I know," she responded, "So what else is on your mind?"

"Nothing's on my mind," he said, continuing to roll the paint onto the wall.

"Well then I'm afraid I must tell you that Rodney has managed to wind you up," she commented, offering him a smirk when he turned his head to look at her.

"Humor is not your forte," he quipped as he put down his roller.

"And hiding your feelings isn't yours," she returned.

"I used to be so good at it." He feigned complaint as he sat down beside her. "Who knew you'd break down my defences?"

Elizabeth laughed a little and then fixed her eyes to his profile. "So, is it just impending fatherhood?" she asked, more seriously again.

He gave a short laugh. "_Just_ impending fatherhood… Makes it sound so simple."

"I meant is it just that that's on your mind?" she clarified.

"It's definitely the main thing…" he muttered and then more clearly he added, "I'm nervous… And nervous is something I don't do well. So when I feel it coming on, I switch to 'moody'."

Elizabeth smiled. "You? Moody? I can't imagine that."

He smiled, and turned his head to meet her gaze then, straightening his face again, said, "This little guy is gonna be completely dependent on me."

Elizabeth giggled, placing her hand gently on John's arm to placate the shocked look her laughter elicited. "I'm sorry," she said. "You sounded just like Jake a month before Adrienne was born… He had all the same fears I imagine you have. And he wouldn't show them. I was banned from telling Helena that he'd confided in me; he threatened to tell Dad all about what happened on prom night if I spoke a word about his insecurities…"

John raised his eyebrows at this, clearly intrigued. Elizabeth just carried on.

"… Dad already knew all about prom night, but I liked to let Jake think he had that to hold over me…" She smiled, wistfully, remembering her father and her brother, shaking herself free before the thoughts became saddening.

"Please tell me there's some comforting advice in there?" John requested, and she, silently, thanked him for lightening the mood again.

"There is," she replied. "Once Adrienne was born, he had no time to be worried, or nervous. He just had to get on with it."

John fixed her with a stare that seemed to say, 'Is that it?' and she tried her best not to laugh.

"Well, thank you, Dr Weir. I feel much better now."

Elizabeth grinned. "You're welcome… But, seriously John, I can understand that you're nervous. It's a huge change, and a huge responsibility. But millions of men have done it before you. You'll be fine."

"Millions of men didn't live in an ancient city in another galaxy," he pointed out.

"True," she conceded. "Actually that's very true… You're in a unique situation. Maybe you won't be fine."

John mock-glared at her. "You won't be fine in a minute."

"Are you threatening me, Colonel?" she giggled.

"Are you ticklish, Doctor?" he retorted.

Her eyes widened briefly – hopefully so briefly that he didn't notice – then she stated, "No," and put on her best 'fearless' face.

John pouted. "You're no fun." Then his hands shot towards her waist.

With only a slight squeal, Elizabeth managed to sweep from the bed, leaving him collapsed onto his empty hands.

John looked up at her and laughed. "Strangely, this … bizarre conversation has made me feel better."

"Glad I could help," she said. "Because I could not take one more minute of you and Rodney arguing." She made her way to the centre of the room and started to clear space so they could sit down to eat when Rodney returned. "You are going to have to grow up when there is a child in Atlantis, you know."

"Not necessarily…" John said in response. "He'll need people to play with."

"I'll order people to start having babies." She was startled to find John standing right behind her when she turned to move some paint cans.

"I think that might be asking for trouble," he said, quietly, an unfamiliar intensity in his eyes as he fixed them on hers.

Suddenly nervous, she found herself unable to respond with anything more than a small nod and "Possibly." John's hand brushed over hers and he took one of the paint cans she had forgotten she was holding. Yes, probably a good idea to put them down before she dropped them. He placed it on the floor beside them, then did the same with the other one, his touch lingering even longer this time as his fingers replaced hers on the handle of the can. Elizabeth knew she should move away, but her curiosity won out and she remained where she was.

The paint discarded, John just stood in front of her, eyes unwavering, and took a deep breath. "You are the other thing that's been on my mind," he told her, softly.

Heart racing and stomach fluttering, she reprimanded her inner schoolgirl, and tried to force up her resolve. "Me?" she asked, hoping to deliver a reasonable amount of genuine intrigue.

"How are you handling all this?" he asked her, seemingly truly concerned.

Her brow furrowed. "All what?"

"Teanna, and the baby," he explained.

"Well," she began, realising what he actually meant, but seeing a way around answering him. "I'm terrified that we're not going to be able to protect him," she told him honestly. "But I'm also kind of excited… I miss Adrienne and Hannah so much. After Jake died, Helena moved to be nearer her parents, and my career took me all over the world. I've spoken to them, but I haven't seen them since they were tiny. I'm looking forward to there being a baby around," she smiled with the excitement she felt.

John smiled at her, but then returned to his intense look. "That's not exactly what I meant."

She smiled, sadly. "I know." She stepped away from him but he caught her hand and stopped her.

Sighing she looked back to him. "John…" It was a request, a plea for him not to pursue this now.

"I'm not the only one who's not so good at hiding their feelings," he said. "I'm just a little slower at realising what I'm seeing… Everything that happened with us, when Teanna arrived… Why did things go wrong, Elizabeth?"

She blinked once, trying to appear unfazed by his question. "We stopped communicating."

"Why?… I was doing my best to communicate with you, but you didn't want to hear it."

She closed her eyes when he emphasised 'want'. Now that she knew her words could be used against her in future, she'd remember to choose them more carefully.

"What do you want to hear now, John? That I was jealous? That I let that emotion get the better of me and acted unprofessionally?"

"Just the first one will do," he said and before she knew it was happening, he had stepped forward, one hand was gently caressing her cheek, the other was still holding her hand, and his lips were on hers.

Her mind raced trying to remember the million reasons why she had fought against wanting this to happen, but she couldn't think clearly. She was lost to this man; to the feelings he had always stirred within her; and to the moment.

Her hand pulled free of his and moved with its counterpart to wrap around his waist, pulling herself closer to him as she deepened the kiss. His freed hand settled on the small of her back, holding her against him, whilst the other slipped into her hair, stroking and caressing as his lips slid over hers, and their tongues fought for exploration.

She snuck her hands beneath the hem of his t-shirt running her hands up his back, pressing her body against him, trying to be as close to him as possible.

He returned the gesture, lifting her shirt with his thumb, and gently stroking the skin either side of her spine. When she trembled at his touch he laughed against her lips. "You are ticklish," he mumbled into her mouth. "You lied."

"For your own safety," she replied, her lips barely leaving his as she spoke.

For a few seconds they just continued their lip-locked discovery of each other, his other hand moving down to join the first on her back, then, as if the power of thought suddenly returned again, he managed to say, "How do you figure?" between gasps for breath.

She pulled away to speak this time, her eyes meeting his with a sultry stare. "I get violent when I'm tickled."

A mischievous smirk spread across his lips.

"I really wouldn't," she warned him.

His smirk widened and his eyes twinkled.

"John…" she said, pulling away from him slightly, but his arms around her stopping her escape.

"I doubt you could do me much harm," he said.

She shrugged "Well, if you're willing to take that chance."

He just smiled and wrapped his arms more tightly around her body. "I think I'd rather carry on as we were."

His lips had just reconnected with hers when Carson's voice chirped in their ear pieces.

"Dr Beckett to Colonel Sheppard."

Hearing the voice of another expedition member brought Elizabeth back to the real world, and suddenly her memory worked again. Every reason why she shouldn't have been kissing John flooded her mind simultaneously.

She pulled back from him, but he caught her lips in one last tender kiss, before he responded to the message.

"Sheppard here."

"Colonel could you come to the infirmary?" Beckett said, no tone of urgency to his voice.

"Well that depends, Doc. Is this just a ploy to get me there for that medical I've been avoiding or is there something important?"

Elizabeth moved away and absently fiddled with the sheet that covered the bed. She tried to feel guilty; to feel that what had just happened was a mistake, but her body refused to believe that the ecstasy she felt in his arms was wrong. Each time she tried to think otherwise, her memory flashed the feeling of his lips on hers, of his fingers on her skin, and a flush of heat spread through her.

She turned her back to John, trying to calm down, trying to think logically.

"Well, Colonel, you're about to become a father."

Apparently that was what she needed.

She turned around, eyes wide, but unable to stop the slightly excited smile that grew on her lips.

"What?" John had responded, clearly shocked. "He's not due for another month."

"These things happen, Colonel… And things are progressing quickly, I suggest you get here ASAP."

John's eyes met Elizabeth's and she suppressed a laugh at the look of complete terror on his face.

"Go, John. Rodney and I will finish up here."

"About –"

She cut him off. Now was really not the time. "Go."

He nodded and ran from the room.

TBC…


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

The next morning, a huge smile spread across Elizabeth's lips as she looked at the tiny face and hands peeping out from beneath the blanket that the little bundle was wrapped in.

"He's gorgeous," she said, glancing up to Teanna who was also beaming with joy.

"Thank you," she said with a nod of her head. "Would you like to hold him?"

Elizabeth was surprised by the offer – probably expecting that the new parents would want to keep their little one all to themselves for a while. She grinned. "I'd love to."

Teanna gently passed her newborn over to Elizabeth, and then rested back on the bed as the expedition leader straightened up and settled him in her arms.

"He's so adorable," Elizabeth commented, stroking his fingers with hers as he blinked and looked up at her. "Welcome to Atlantis – " she paused when she had no name to use for him, looking back to Teanna and John. "Have you chosen a name yet?"

John and Teanna exchanged pleased looks, then John focussed on Elizabeth and nodded. "Jake Irlan Sheppard."

Elizabeth's breath caught and her heart fluttered. Swallowing a surge of emotion, she glanced at Teanna and said, softly, "My… er… my brother was called Jake." Her eyes then met John's and his look silently communicated that that was the reason the name had been chosen. Fighting back the tears prickling behind her eyes, she nodded once in gratitude and looked back to the baby before emotion could overwhelm her.

"John was telling me a story about your childhood," Teanna explained. "And when he mentioned Jake, the baby kicked for the first time." She was smiling widely. "I think he chose his own name."

Elizabeth smiled at the younger woman gratefully, blinking to force the moisture from her eyes. "Thank you… And Irlan after your father?"

Teanna nodded.

"I wanted to veto both names and go with John Junior, but apparently that was egotistical," John commented, shooting a mock glare at Teanna, who just grinned in response.

Elizabeth laughed. "Well, John, I do think it would be better for morale if we didn't have to deal with knowing there were two John Sheppards running around the city."

As both women found this amusing, John narrowed his eyes. "Well… You can rest assured that I will raise Jake Sheppard to cause just as much chaos."

"I don't doubt that," Elizabeth said, her eyes meeting John's again, and her lips unable to fight the forming smile. He held her gaze for a moment, a smile on his own lips, then Elizabeth remembered where they were and snapped her gaze back to the baby. In the corner of her eyes, however, she didn't miss the knowing smile offered to John from Teanna.

"Hello, Jake," she cooed, ignoring the exchange going on beside her. "Aren't you adorable?… You obviously get that from your mother."

That got John's attention.

"Hey! You're not allowed to brainwash my son!" he reprimanded her, coming to stand beside her, bringing his hand up to hold Jake's. "Don't listen to her. Your father is adorable too. She's just in denial."

Elizabeth shot him a sideways glance. "I don't think he knows the word 'denial' John."

"But you think he knows the word 'adorable'?" he returned.

Elizabeth returned her eyes to Jake's little face. "He must do. Because it describes him perfectly."

They stood admiring the baby for a minute or so and then Elizabeth looked up to speak to Teanna, only to find the other woman sleeping. She nudged John and he smiled when he looked across.

"Carson's been telling her all night to get some rest… She couldn't tear her herself away from Jake though."

"I'm not surprised," Elizabeth grinned again, having found she could do nothing else when looking at his beautiful face. "So, Carson said Jake's fine. Very strong considering he's a month early," she said to John, glancing in his direction.

John nodded. "He gets that from his Dad too."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Joking aside, John," she said quietly, "Have you considered – "

"Elizabeth, we've been dealing with Ancient technology throughout this pregnancy. He is a month early. And he is my son."

Elizabeth nodded. "It had to be asked."

"I know," he too nodded, understandingly. "Though how you could doubt his paternity when he obviously has my eyes…"

Elizabeth laughed and lightly elbowed him in the ribs, disguising it as rocking Jake.

"Hey! I'd prefer it if I didn't get beaten up by a girl in front of my son."

"We don't always get what we want, John."

Her elbow met his chest again.

"Speaking of what we want," he said, his voice quiet by her ear. "Do we need to talk about yesterday?"

"Not now, John," she replied, keeping her smiling face and eyes focussed on Jake.

"But you don't regret it?" he asked, letting his left hand rest on her hip, as his right played with his son's hand.

"John…"

"You haven't slapped me so I guess that's a good sign," he smirked. "Right?"

"Just leave it for a couple of weeks."

"Elizabeth, I've waited years for us to even kiss – "

"I know John. So have I. But then your wife gave birth to your son," she said, her voice more insistent now and no longer speaking to him in the tone she had used for Jake's benefit.

"She's not – "

"I know. I know." She held Jake to her and turned to face John so he could see the feeling behind her words. "I'm not saying I regret it. I'm not saying we shouldn't… pursue this. I just think you should concentrate on Teanna and Jake right now. One change at a time," she smiled.

She could see his reluctance in his eyes as they bore into hers, but after a moment she saw it slip away, and he smiled back at her. "Okay. I'll take a couple of weeks to adjust to this," he said, looking down at the baby cradled between them. "Although I think it's gonna take me a lot longer than that."

Elizabeth laughed and handed his son over to him, gently resting her hand on John's arm after she had done so. "You'll be fine… I'll give you…" She paused and feigned deep thought. "Two weeks… Once things have settled down, then we'll see about us. Okay?"

John nodded in agreement with her terms.

"Okay. Well, I'm going to get back to work… I'll tell everyone visiting hours are over for now. Let Teanna rest." She looked down at the purpose of her visit one last time. "Bye bye, Jake," she said softly, bending to kiss him lightly on his forehead.

As she stood up, she found herself eye to eye with John, a look of anticipation on his face. A smile quirking the corners of her mouth, she leaned forward and pressed her lips onto his – very briefly, very tenderly – then she pulled back, matched his grin with hers and walked out of the infirmary – all the while wondering if maybe two weeks was too long.

-----

There was no way for either of them to know that in two weeks things would be far from settled.

They weren't to know that Jake would contract a cold, and be confined to the infirmary for observation, given his premature birth. They weren't to know that Teanna's father would take severely ill and John would accompany his 'wife' to see him, their son – too weak for 'gate travel - having to stay behind under the care of Carson and Elizabeth.

And they weren't to know that the trip would be one way, and that the hurried assurances about taking care of Jake, made in the gateroom, would be the last words they would say to each other.

TBC…


	10. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Elizabeth forced a smile through her rising anxiety and nodded once to Carson before leaving the infirmary. From the sympathy gleaming in the eyes that looked back at her however, it was clear that the doctor could see straight through her façade.

--

It had been over nine hours since John and Teanna had stepped through the 'gate to Teanna's home planet, Porta. So far there had been no contact with them. John had said he would check in as soon as he knew Teanna's father's condition.

After four hours Elizabeth had started to feel a little uneasy. That seemed, to her, to be sufficient time for John to have seen Irlan and reported back. She tried to dismiss her fears though, reminding herself that they were visiting family, not on a dangerous mission.

Another two hours passed and found Elizabeth sitting beside Jake in the infirmary speaking quiet words of how they would speak to his Mommy and Daddy soon. The reassurance was more for herself than for the little baby boy.

And now, after another three hours without contact she had decided enough was enough. Perhaps John had just forgotten, amidst all the worrying and sadness surrounding Irlan's illness. Sitting around distressing herself was not helping anybody. She would dial Porta, speak to John and then get on with running the city.

Entering the control room, she asked the technician on duty – a Malcolm Townsend – to dial the 'gate and she waited beside him, already reprimanding herself for her paranoia.

She watched the constellations on the 'gate light up as each chevron engaged, counting them one by one, trying with each step to quash a rising fear within her.

Six… and she took a deep breath…

"Chevron seven will not engage," Malcolm said suddenly, the tone of his voice conveying the frown he wore on his face.

"What happened?" Elizabeth asked, glancing down, first at the technician and then at the DHD.

"I don't know why, Ma'am, but we couldn't establish a connection with the Portan 'gate… I'll try again."

While Malcolm began the dialling sequence again, Elizabeth's mind raced with possible scenarios, choosing to focus on 'minor technical fault on Porta' as that was the least painful – and most logical – explanation for why John had not been in touch.

However, armed with the knowledge that her gut instinct was usually right, particularly when it came to John being in trouble, she was finding it difficult to convince herself that this was the actual explanation. So before chevron five had engaged for the second time, she had called John's team and Major Lorne to the control room.

Rodney must have been nearby, for he arrived just as the seventh chevron failed to lock again.

"Rodney," Elizabeth spoke to him before he had chance to ask what was going on. "We're having trouble connecting with the Stargate on Porta."

"Still no news from Sheppard?" the scientist asked as he moved to examine the DHD.

"No," Elizabeth said, trying to keep her fears out of her voice.

"I'm sure he's fine," Rodney said as he continued to work, surprising her a little with his uncharacteristic reassurance, "It's likely there's a technical problem with the Portan 'gate. If we can't dial in, then he probably can't dial out."

"That's what I was thinking," she said, managing to summon a little relief at hearing Rodney echo her thoughts.

Rodney continued to study and test, Major Lorne arrived, and another unsuccessful attempt at dialling the 'gate was made. Rodney was just trying a connection to a different planet – to make sure the fault was not with the Atlantis 'gate when Ronon and Teyla jogged in, slightly out of breath.

"Our apologies, Dr Weir," Teyla began, "We were running near the south pier."

"It's okay," Elizabeth smiled.

"Do we have a mission?" Ronon asked, looking at the now active wormhole.

"Not yet," Elizabeth said, looking to Rodney for an explanation of his findings.

"There doesn't seem to be a problem on our end…" he obliged. "There must be a problem on Porta."

Elizabeth nodded and was about to speak when Lorne beat her to it.

"We can take a jumper through to a nearby planet, and fly across from there… See what the situation is."

Elizabeth's eyes caught his as he explained the exact plan that she was about to suggest, and it constricted her chest to see that the Major seemed to share her unease.

There was no evidence to suggest that this was anything more than an unfortunately timed error with a Stargate. However something was telling her it was more than that. And apparently that same 'something' was also speaking to Lorne.

-----

The tears had started to fall down Elizabeth's cheeks the minute Lorne failed to check in at the designated time.

She was standing beside Jake's cot in the infirmary, trying to smile at the child who was wriggling so contentedly beneath her hand as she played with his tiny fingers and looked into eyes that were so much like John's.

Based on Rodney's calculations, four hours would give them time to fly to Porta from M6H 351, a 'gated planet in the same solar system, to check out the situation and to fly back to M6H 351 if necessary to update Elizabeth. If Rodney was unable to fix the problem straightaway, Lorne would make sure to return to the 'gate within that four hours to tell Elizabeth that they would be staying longer.

The lack of contact could only have a negative explanation.

She lifted her other hand and wiped the moisture from her cheeks when she heard footsteps approaching her.

"Elizabeth?"

Carson.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed her lips into a brave smile and half turned so that he could see her profile. Jake would provide a reasonable cover for her not looking at him fully.

"Hi, Carson," she said quietly. "What can we do for you?" she asked, her words aimed at the doctor, but her tone aimed at Jake, knowing that even a young baby could pick up on distress in tone of voice, and she did not want to upset him.

"You could get some rest," Carson replied. "But I know you won't do that, so you could at least go and have a cup of coffee and something to eat."

"I'm fine, Carson," she said, smiling at Jake as he waved his hands at her.

"Major Lorne's news will remain the same whether you eat or not," the doctor acknowledged. "Your ability to deal with that news, however, will be affected by how alert you are. Hungry and tired will not help anyone."

"I really don't think I could successfully achieve either sleeping or eating," she told him softly. "I just need to know, Carson. One way or the other. This state of limbo is driving me insane."

"I know love," he said, stepping closer to her and gently placing an arm across her back.

"I've just got such a terrible feeling – " her voice cracked as it collided with a sob, and Carson turned her to pull her into his arms.

-----

The unscheduled 'gate activation warning sounded minutes later, and the expressions on the faces of all four of her colleagues did nothing to alleviate Elizabeth's sense of loss.

John and Teanna were not with them, and they had returned as a team in the jumper without prior radio contact. Clearly any news they had to report was not something they thought she should hear over the radio.

She watched the jumper clear the 'gate and then moved silently into her office.

-----

Major Lorne and the others found her minutes later, sitting behind her desk, staring straight ahead, her eyes glazed over.

Lorne knocked on the window as he entered, sure that she would not want them all to see her in this lost state.

Her head snapped round to face them as if the sound had startled her. He smiled sympathetically and mouthed 'sorry', before leading Sheppard's team into the room.

Elizabeth stood and came round the desk to stand in front of them. "I take it it's not good news?" she asked in a voice more quiet than he had ever heard from her.

Lorne had seen Elizabeth worry about John on several occasions, and you didn't need to be a genius to see that there was more than a platonic connection between the two leaders. She seemed incomplete whenever the Colonel was missing, and he hated that he was about to deliver information he knew was going to devastate her.

It had already devastated him and the three people who had accompanied him to Porta.

Elizabeth had steadied herself against the edge of the desk, and Lorne realised he had not yet answered her question. Mustering his military training, he made eye contact and explained what they had found.

"The town where Teanna's father lived was completely destroyed," he began, his voice laden with the pain it had caused him to see it, "We were unable to connect to the 'gate because it was amongst the wreckage."

"Destroyed how?" Elizabeth asked, her face pale.

"Fire mainly," Lorne replied. "We didn't have time to study it thoroughly, but I'd say there must have been an explosion near the 'gate."

"Were there any – " Elizabeth's voice almost broke. "… Did you see anyone?"

Lorne shook his head once, his expression solemn.

"We visited the nearest towns," Teyla explained, "But there was no sign of any of the people we have met before… And no one could remember seeing or hearing anything. Their towns are further from the 'gate for a reason. They always feared the sacred archway. They believed such destruction was inevitable."

"I'll take teams two, three and four and examine the ruins more closely, see if we can find any clue as to what happened," Lorne offered, eager to find any proof that John and Teanna might still be alive somewhere, but also keen to spare Elizabeth the duty of speaking or thinking. She was becoming even paler with every passing second and he desperately wanted to offer her some reassurance.

She nodded, almost imperceptibly, her eyes glazed over and not really focussed on anyone in particular.

"We'll be going as well," Ronon announced in such a tone that it was clear no room was left for discussion.

Lorne glanced behind him to the members of Sheppard's team, and found them all displaying the same determination Ronon had voiced. He nodded understandingly then turned back to Elizabeth.

She had come to focus on him now, and he could see a thin mask of professionalism barely holding back her emotions. "Have three and four," she said quietly, her voice small despite her obvious attempts to remain in control, "scan the surrounding areas for any sign of the townspeople leaving; Rodney, try to establish what happened to the 'gate – stargates are not easy things to bring down; salvage the DHD if possible and note any evidence that – " She stopped, her lips trembling and eyes watering as she took a breath for courage. "… Any sign that the people didn't… manage to escape."

A heavy silence hung over the office as the true depth of that prospect overwhelmed everyone present.

Summoning strength from the only thing they possibly could right now – hope – Lorne nodded briskly. "We'll leave as soon as the teams are ready."

Elizabeth nodded in return, grateful for both his response and the team's unspoken support. "I'll be in the infirmary. Radio before you go."

-----

Elizabeth's legs froze as she entered the infirmary and Jake's cot came into view. The full impact of the news she had received, and of the nature of the mission Lorne and the others were currently preparing for, suddenly hit her, and felt like lead around her ankles. She couldn't move.

Through the transparent side, she could see the tiny child squirming around in his bed, and tears streamed down her cheeks. Wrapping her arms across her abdomen as another wave of nausea hit, she rested the full length of her back on the wall, and closed her eyes against the images of John and Teanna in here just weeks ago welcoming their newborn baby.

While part of her refused to believe that John was gone, and was persistently screaming for her to have faith, and not to give up hope, a greater part of her just seemed to know that the search of Porta would prove fruitless. He would not be coming back to her.

Opening her eyes, she looked back to the cot.

He would not be coming back to his son. And neither would his 'wife'.

She pushed away from the wall, and wiped her face as she approached Jake. Securing the blanket around him, she lifted the tiny bundle into her arms and rocked him gently.

"We will hope beyond hope," she whispered, her voice squeaking with emotion, "that they come home… But if that cannot be – " she paused to swallow, and trailed a gentle finger along Jake's cheek. "I'll take care of you… You will always have your Aunty Elizabeth…" she vowed, using a title John had bestowed upon her last week. She pressed her lips to his forehead, holding them there for a few seconds until she realised her tears were dripping onto his skin. Pulling back and tenderly wiping them away, she recalled when John and Teanna had asked her to watch over Jake while they were offworld.

"_Will you take care of him for us while we're gone?" John had said, clearly anxious about being away from his son so soon._

"_John, don't look so worried. He'll be fine," she'd assured him with a wide smile. "…and you'll be back before you know it… But of course I will take care of him while you're gone…"_

Fresh tears now trailing down her cheeks, she held Jake closer, stroking his little fingers as she whispered, "… I promise."

TBC…


	11. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Elizabeth stepped into the sunlight of Melera, shielding her eyes as she looked out across the town surrounding the Stargate. She had been briefed by Lorne on the level of technological advancement on the planet, but it still caught her breath to see sights similar to Earth.

Tall buildings lined busy streets, transport vehicles passed by, stopping for passengers to disembark, collecting new travellers and leaving again. The scene was at the same time both familiar and alien.

The 'gate stood atop stone steps in the centre of a large open courtyard, which was, she had been informed, shielded by a large force field. It stopped the Wraith from being able to get into the city, and had thus far worked at protecting the people from the Pegasus Galaxy's most feared race.

Elizabeth's team for this visit consisted of Rodney and three marines, and they all followed Lorne down the steps, towards the guards who stood watch at the edge of the courtyard. One of the guards stepped forward to greet them and, from the exchange between the two men, it was clear Lorne had met him before.

"This is Doctor Elizabeth Weir, leader of our City," Lorne introduced her, and the guards bowed their heads in greeting.

The first guard took a step towards Elizabeth. "Loktar," he said, indicating one of the other guards, so Elizabeth presumed that was his name, "has been sent by the Council to escort you."

Loktar stepped forward and, despite his helmet casting shadow across his face, Elizabeth's breath caught as she recognised him. John.

She felt as if someone had kicked her in the chest; all the air rushing out of her at once as she looked at the familiar outline of his face, the intense eyes visible through the darkness. She fought to not allow her surprise to show, and offered a courteous nod of thanks, desperately hoping that she did not look as pale as she felt.

As 'Loktar' turned and the group began to follow, Rodney placed his hand on the small of Elizabeth's back – a gesture of support. She glanced to face him, finding that he shared her look of shock and confusion. Elizabeth nodded once, to let him know to allow her to take the lead on this. Before leaving Atlantis they had discussed that, were they to find Lorne's discovery was true, they would have to tread very carefully. Faced with it now though, Elizabeth herself was wondering how she was going to deal with it.

In truth, she hadn't allowed herself to hope that Lorne was right. She had convinced herself that she would get here to find someone who looked a lot like John, but could not possibly be him. After all, what were the chances that he had been alive and living on another planet for four years? Surely he would have found a way to contact them.

She had her answer now though. She would know those eyes anywhere, but there had been no hint of recognition in them. It was John, of that she was certain already, but he clearly didn't remember her… them.

Her stomach churned and tears prickled behind her eyes. She hadn't been prepared for this.

-----

Elizabeth's mind would not focus on her meeting with the town's Council. Her cover, of being there to further negotiations, however, required that she be present for it all. She could hardly tell them that she was there because she suspects one of their guards is a missing member of her team. The circumstances surrounding, what was now clearly John's disappearance, and not death, were still unknown, and she needed to figure out what the situation was before revealing anything.

She was brought out of her thoughts when the object of them stepped up beside her. She managed to retain enough control to look at the Council rather than at him, and realised she was tuning back in halfway through a sentence that told her 'Loktar' would be escorting them to some accommodations for the night.

Surreptitiously glancing at the window behind where the seven members of the Council were seated, she realised that the daylight had in fact dimmed, and night was falling.

"That won't be necessary," she told them, apologetically, "I'm afraid I must return to Atlantis. But, with your permission, most of my team will remain and accept your hospitality, and I will return in the morning to continue our discussions."

The Council were very obliging, and 'Loktar' was instead instructed to escort Elizabeth and two of her marines back to the 'gate.

After leaving Rodney and Lorne's team with instructions to continue to build the alliance and to gather any information that they could about this bizarre situation, Elizabeth followed 'Loktar' out into the night.

-----

Walking in such close proximity to him was tearing Elizabeth apart. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to hold him, to cry in his arms about how much she had missed him. She wanted him to turn towards her and smile, to gently wipe her tears away, to tell her he hadn't forgotten her and he had missed her too.

Shaking her head slightly to break from those thoughts, she reprimanded herself. She needed to focus on figuring out what had happened, daydreaming about their reunion was not going to get her anywhere.

Pleased that the darkness of the night would shield her turmoil from his eyes, she stepped up beside him as they walked and commented, "This is a beautiful town."

He seemed a little surprised that she had spoken, but responded with a nod. "It is… And at night time, lit up like this, it is even more spectacular."

This gave Elizabeth momentary pause. She and John had always shared that opinion of Atlantis.

"Are you okay?" 'Loktar' asked, making her realise she had lapsed into silence.

"Oh yes, sorry. I was just taking in the sights… So, how long have you lived here?"

"I have lived in this town for two years," he told her. "Prior to that, I lived in a small village just outside. I cannot imagine being as far from my home as you are from yours."

Elizabeth's heart sank a little further with each word as he recounted his history, and she fought desperately to convince herself that this was all just a coincidence. 'Loktar' simply looked like John – it was not him. But the similarity was too striking – the eyes had looked at her, and into her, on too many occasions for her not to know them; his voice had spoken so many words, under so many emotions, that she could not mistake it. This man was John. But if he didn't know that, did she have a right to tell him? And what ever had happened in the first place that had made him forget?

"It has got easier with time," she told him after a curious look in her direction highlighted her silence again. "Atlantis is my home now. After seven years, Earth no longer seems the same."

"Are your family with you in Atlantis?"

"I have some family there. Most of them are still on Earth. We visit them regularly though."

"Do they know you live in a different galaxy?"

Elizabeth smiled, "They have known for a few years now. They were given permission to know when… When it was decided that I would stay on Atlantis."

"Did you consider leaving?"

"A few years ago, yes. Things on Atlantis changed, and I thought that returning to Earth might be for the best."

"But you changed your mind?"

She smiled, wistfully. "Like I said, Atlantis is my home now."

'Loktar' suddenly seemed contrite. "I'm sorry. I am asking too many personal questions."

Elizabeth frowned at this sudden turnaround, but smiled reassuringly. "No, it's fine. Getting to know each other is what forming an alliance is all about. And I'll withhold anything I don't want you to know."

He laughed at this and she was taken aback again, losing herself in the sound of his laughter. It was a sound she had sorely missed.

When she snapped back to reality again, 'Loktar' was watching her closely.

"Your mind wanders a lot, Miss Weir," he said, and she could tell from his tone that he was smiling.

"It is a downside of being a leader. I have too many things to think about at once," she lied convincingly.

"You should have stayed here," he told her. "I suspect that you will work for some time upon returning to your City. If you had stayed, you could have proper rest."

She laughed once – her concession to his point. "Unfortunately the work I will do, needs to be done."

"And there is no one else who can do it? Do you govern this city alone?"

"Ah, no, actually. But Colonel Lorne is my military leader, and second in command, and I'm leaving him here."

"That could easily have been reversed… I sense that you are returning for more than just work – "

Elizabeth did not have chance to respond as they had arrived at the Stargate, and 'Loktar' began speaking to the guards.

Seconds later the 'gate had activated and the small party moved up the stone steps.

"I will be here to greet you when you return," 'Loktar' said to Elizabeth and her marines, as one of them sent through an IDC.

'Loktar's eyes met Elizabeth's as he smiled, and her chest felt constricted again. Talking with him had been so easy, and so natural, she had almost forgotten their situation. Looking at his smiling face, lit now by the open wormhole, her heart broke. She didn't want to leave him.

Forcing herself to smile, she knew it lacked some of the lustre she had earlier been able to manage, but she hoped he wouldn't notice. "Thank you," she said. "We'll see you in the morning then."

Her eyes were still fixed on his, unwilling to look away, and several seconds passed before she shook herself free and led her marines through the 'gate.

Stepping foot back in Atlantis she handed her offworld gear straight to one of the marines to put away and she headed for Carson's quarters without a word to anybody.

-----

The door opened, and she had barely stepped into the room when Jake barrelled into her legs almost knocking her off balance.

"I had blue jello, Aunty 'Lizabeth!" he declared, hugging her legs tightly.

"Did you?" she asked, enthusiastically, returning his embrace as she edged into the room.

"It was a treat," Carson explained. "Because he completed all the maths problems I set him."

Carson must have noticed Elizabeth blinking back tears, because he suggested that Jake go and get the mentioned maths papers to show to Elizabeth.

Thrilled at the thought of showing he could add up, Jake flew into the room Carson and Laura had designated as a playroom for him.

"How did it go, love?" the doctor asked her, gesturing for her to sit down on his sofa, and handing her a tissue.

She dropped onto the offered seat and wiped the remnants of moisture from her eyes.

"I think it's him, Carson," she told him.

"Really?" Carson's eyes were practically jumping out of his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so surprised. I just… Well, I expected you to say he looked a lot like him, but it wasn't him."

"That's what I'd expected too…" She dropped her head into her hands. "Oh, maybe it isn't him. Maybe it's just some sort of wishful thinking… Though I don't think I would wish this on myself."

Carson put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "So, it's true that he doesn't remember who he is?"

She nodded. "I spoke to him on the way back to the 'gate. He was asking me questions about Atlantis, about me…" She looked up from her hands. "Carson, what are the chances of him just looking and sounding like John?"

"I don't know, love. I've never come across it, but given how much I've seen in seven years, I've come to accept that just because I haven't seen it, it doesn't mean it's impossible."

At this moment, Jake wandered back into the room, looking through the papers in his hands as he walked.

"I found most of them," the little boy said as he stopped in front of Elizabeth and began handing sheets of very largely drawn sums to her. "But I can't find some. Uncle Carson, do you have the others?"

"Hmm, they might be on my desk," Carson told him. Jake's eyes lit up and he headed for the doctor's desk.

"Nine of us have seen him now and agree it's uncanny," Elizabeth spoke quietly. "So what do I do? Prove it and try to find out how he came to be there, when there's a chance this man has lived there all his life and there's nothing to pursue?"

"Your alternative is concluding that it can't possibly be John, and carrying on as if this never happened."

Jake bounded back to the sofa, climbing up beside Elizabeth with his newfound sheets.

"They were on Unc' Carson's desk," he said. "See, this one was really hard," he exclaimed passing one to her. "But I did it. So I had blue jello," he grinned proudly.

Elizabeth looked at the sum in her hand. "Well, then you deserved it," she beamed. "This one is very hard."

"Unc' Carson said Daddy was good at maths," Jake commented, looking up at her. "I'm gonna be like Daddy."

Elizabeth looked at the wide brown eyes staring up at her, and her mind flashed back to 'Loktar', sealing her decision.

"You already are like him in so many ways," she told Jake, running a hand through his unruly spiked hair.

Jake grinned widely and Elizabeth pulled him in for a hug.

Looking at Carson while she held John's son, her face set with determination, she whispered, "No… I have no alternative."

TBC…


	12. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

At three o'clock in the morning, Elizabeth had decided that she really should try to get some sleep. Her mind had been reeling all night though and she knew it would not come easily.

The fitful few hours that she did manage to fall into slumber were disturbed by visions of John – as he was years ago, of his last few days in Atlantis – then suddenly Loktar was looking back at her, questioning her sanity, while Jake stood beside her tugging on her hand, demanding to know where his father was.

"So that's what you were returning to Atlantis for?" Loktar smiled, looking down at Jake, reaching out his hand to ruffle the boy's hair.

Instinctively Elizabeth pulled Jake round behind her, so the stranger could not reach him, could not learn of him, could not know –

She woke with a start as the realisation hit her, 'Loktar's words running through her head again, "…I sense that you are returning for more than just work."

She sat up, breathing deeply to try to calm herself down. Was he trying to get her to talk about Jake? John would know that she would never divulge information about specific people on Atlantis, especially those who could easily be used to blackmail her, to strangers. But if you'd been missing for four years, wouldn't you want to know about your son?

She dropped her legs over the side of the bed, sitting on the edge, her head rested in her hands. But if he remembers Jake, then he remembers Atlantis, so what were all the questions? And why the hell hadn't he acknowledged them?

She let out a muffled scream as she rubbed her hands across her eyes in frustration. Nothing was making sense; her desires were mingling with reality to serve no other purpose but to confuse the hell out of her.

She swept from the bed into the bathroom, leaning on the sink as she splashed cold water on her face. Looking up and facing herself in the mirror, she took a deep breath, and tried to speak through the tightness in her throat.

"Okay," she breathed, "you have two options. Tell him about Jake, and trust that there is a reason he is pretending not to know us… Or," the word was effectively a squeak as her emotions overwhelmed her once more. She took another deep breath. "Or," she said, more adamantly, "you tell him, and risk being in a vulnerable position." A tear rolled down her cheek, and, as she ducked her head to wash it away, her mind pointed out to her that she had missed out the option in which she doesn't tell him about Jake.

She smiled, sardonically. Apparently she had made her decision already.

-----

'Loktar' was waiting at the Stargate as he had promised to be, and the town council, Lorne, Rodney and their teams were standing there also.

She smiled to 'Loktar', and then the leader of the council stepped forward and informed her that they had arranged a breakfast picnic in one of their parks to welcome her back. She thanked him for his generosity and they all followed the council out into the town.

They had been walking for barely a minute when Lorne dropped back to stand beside Elizabeth.

"Morning Ma'am," he greeted her in his overly cheerful voice – usually reserved for when he was using good news to precede bad news.

"Good morning, Colonel," she said, echoing his brightness. "Anything?" she asked him, more quietly.

He shook his head. "After walking you back to the 'gate, Loktar must have finished for the evening. We haven't seen him since, until this morning. McKay got talking to one of the other guards but it seems all they want to talk about is us. He couldn't get anything out of him."

She resisted the urge to sigh, simply nodding once instead. "Thank you Colonel."

"We couldn't persuade them not to do this either," he said, apologetically.

"It's okay. I didn't feel like eating before I left… I still don't, but at least this way I'm forced to. Carson would be so impressed," she smiled.

Lorne laughed. "I'll make sure I tell him I saw you eat."

"Please do," she responded, her eyes briefly meeting his in shared amusement.

They reached the park and Elizabeth marvelled at the sight of grass and trees. One large blanket was laid out in the centre of the open space, a variety of foods collated on top of it.

"This looks wonderful," she said to their hosts, as they indicated for her to sit down around the outside of the blanket.

"We thought we could introduce you to some of the foods we hope to be able to trade with your people."

"That's an excellent idea." She smiled for their benefit, all the while thinking that there would be no trade agreement at all unless they were going to take kindly to her snooping into the past of one of their guards.

---

Breakfast progressed pleasantly and Elizabeth began to feel even worse about the fact that she was deceiving her gracious hosts. Lorne would have told her she wasn't deceiving them and to stop worrying, but her mind and heart were in such a state that every emotion was heightened, and there was nothing she could so about it.

When the meal was over, the leader of the council approached Elizabeth, and she walked beside him as they headed for the main hall to continue discussions.

"I notice you keep looking at Loktar," he said to her quietly as they travelled the busy streets.

Schooling her surprise, she smiled. "Do I?"

"He is very popular with the women of the town," he told her with a small smile of his own.

She felt the familiar crushing of jealousy within her chest. "He reminds me of someone," she reacted.

He frowned briefly, and then nodded, as if he understood. "He is very good at his job," he told her after a short silence, his own eyes looking at the person about whom they were speaking. "He's been in my guard for two years now. The Council representative for his village recommended him, and his dedication and loyalty has been admirable… Your Colonel Lorne appears to display the same qualities?"

Elizabeth nodded and offered a small smile as she tried to stop thinking about how possible it was for it to actually be John. "Yes, Colonel Lorne is an excellent officer. He has a tendency to be over-protective… But there have been times when that proved valuable."

Her companion smiled. "They do seem to have a sixth sense about security sometimes… But, then, that's what we employ them for."

Elizabeth laughed and they walked in silence for a few more minutes, before he leaned in and said, "Were you close to the person Loktar reminds you of?"

She was surprised by his question, but tried not to let it show. "I knew him very well," she stated, softly.

---

If they were to have any hope of looking into 'Loktar's history, then they were going to need more time than, what should be, the last few hours of trade negotiation would allow them.

And so, part way through the afternoon, as they were discussing one of the town's main crops, Elizabeth asked if it would be possible to see where the crops were grown.

The farmer who had been explaining the crops to the party looked delighted, his eyes wide and lit up. "Certainly, Doctor Weir. That would be an honour."

"Yes, I think we could do with a break," their leader said. "A nice walk out to the fields should be just what we need."

Elizabeth smiled gratefully and rose from her chair when he did.

The rest of her group rose as well, and it seemed to hit her just how many of them there were. "Rodney, why don't you come with me, then you can ask any questions you might have from a scientific angle? The rest of you can stay here. We don't all need to go."

"Ma'am?" Lorne spoke up, inclining his head towards his team.

"Sorry, Colonel, of course, I will take a security escort. Johnson, you're with me." She turned to their leader. "That's all right, isn't it? If they stay here?"

He nodded. "Certainly. Certainly. Some of the council shall stay also, and if there is anything else your people would like to see, or do, then they can arrange that."

Elizabeth smiled again. "Thank you."

Arrangements were made, Loktar and one other guard were chosen for the trip and, with farewells bidden, the smaller group set out for the farm.

Janat, the farmer, spoke animatedly for most of the walk, seemingly excited that Elizabeth had shown an interest in his work. When they arrived, Janat excused himself to speak briefly with his wife, and the Councillor led the rest of the group onto a wooden bridge.

After a few feet, the ground beneath the bridge fell away, bringing them out over a huge field of tall plants. Elizabeth couldn't help but gasp in amazement, it was unlike anything she had ever seen.

They continued until they were standing in the centre of the bridge, and took in the sight around them.

"This is amazing!" Rodney exclaimed.

Janat returned and was immediately bombarded with questions by the scientist.

"At least that saves you from more of Janat's enthusiasm," Loktar's voice said quietly by her ear.

Startled, she turned to face him. "Yes," she breathed. "I think I've absorbed as much information as I can for one day… I agree with Rodney though, that this is amazing." She leaned against the railing that lined the edge of the bridge.

"You don't have fields like this in Atlantis?" he asked.

She gave a small laugh. "We don't have fields in Atlantis." A wave of sadness rolled over her as she realised that she answered that question as if she was talking to Loktar and not to John. She swallowed the lump in her throat, and summoned the determination she had come here with. "And the fields on the mainland are nowhere near this scale…" This was it. She remained silent for a few seconds, looking out over the crops, then she glanced towards him as she spoke so she could gauge his reaction. "Jake would love it here."

-----

It was going dark by the time they returned from the farm, and a slight chill had settled on the air. Once inside the meeting hall, their council leader turned to Elizabeth.

"Should we conclude our discussions now?" he asked, "Or would you like to leave it until tomorrow?"

Elizabeth glanced at 'Loktar' and then looked back. "I'm afraid I must stay on Atlantis tomorrow," she said apologetically. "But the rest of my party will remain here, and complete the discussions with you, if that is acceptable?"

"I understand that you must have business to attend to back home. That is acceptable. I hope we will speak again in the long future our peoples will share." His smile appeared genuine, and Elizabeth felt relieved that he'd believed her lie. "Loktar and Malnos will accompany you back to the 'gate once you are ready to leave."

She thanked him and 'Loktar' stepped forward. "And you can keep my jacket til we get to the 'gate," he smiled, "It'll only get colder from now on."

Elizabeth glanced down to her attire. "Thank you," she blushed, "I'd forgotten I was wearing it."

The councillors left them, and her group proceeded to where the rest of the Atlantian party was.

"Why aren't you coming back tomorrow?" Rodney asked her once they were out of earshot of the Melerans.

"I've been away for two days, Rodney, I need to do some work."

"Elizabeth – "

She lowered her voice. "I need a break from here, Rodney. You've completed trade negotiations before, you can handle it."

"Do we want to come to an agreement?"

"Did you find anything about Loktar's past?"

"Documents confirming he comes from a village just outside the town. Nothing else… If it is John then they may have – "

"Rodney, bring the agreement to a point that it just needs finalising. Then tell them you need for me to do that. Contact me when you're ready, and I'll tell you whether or not we're going ahead."

"How will you decide if you're not here to look into the history?"

"Please, trust me."

They had entered the room where the rest of the party were, and Elizabeth walked away from Rodney to speak to Lorne.

She gave him his instructions, selected two marines to accompany her back to Atlantis, and told 'Loktar' and Malnos that she was ready to leave.

En route to the 'gate they spoke again about the farm they had visited, the marines dropping back, knowing it was important for Elizabeth to have time to speak with 'John'. When they reached the base of the steps, Elizabeth stopped and turned to their escort, shrugging off 'Loktar's jacket.

"Thank you both for accompanying us, and thank you for lending me your jacket."

"You're welcome," 'Loktar' smiled, taking the item of clothing from her.

"We have been made to feel very welcome during our visit. Thank you…" she addressed both guards initially and then turned more to 'Loktar'. "I need to stay on Atlantis tomorrow… It's Jake's birthday… But I should be back the day after to finalise the trade agreement."

'Loktar' nodded. "I have a leave of absence to attend to some personal business… But I'm sure we'll see each other again soon."

Elizabeth smiled and shook hands with both men.

Her gaze met 'Loktar's and held until the opening of the wormhole startled her from the connection.

To hide her surprise, she turned to the marines. "Let's go home," she said, then while they sent an IDC, she smiled once more to their escort, and they smiled in return.

-----

Elizabeth stepped into Atlantis, tears brimming in her eyes, relieved that no one had come to meet her. She immediately headed for her quarters.

"Ma'am?" one of her accompanying marines called after her.

She surreptitiously wiped her eyes and turned to face him. "Yes, Major?"

"Your offworld gear."

"Oh," she said, looking down at said gear. "I'll return it myself later. I want to catch Jake before he goes to sleep."

The major nodded, and Elizabeth bid them both a good evening before continuing on her way.

TBC…


	13. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

"What do you mean, 'on edge'?" Elizabeth asked Rodney as they communicated through the active wormhole the following afternoon.

"Well, exactly that," Rodney explained, "They seem edgy. The guards at the 'gate seem to be on a state of alert, more so than they have been the other days we've been here. People keep coming in and interrupting our meetings, whispering things to the Council, having instructions whispered back."

"It sounds like there's definitely something going on… Is there any reason to think it's to do with us? That they're planning a hostile move?"

"I don't think so," Rodney replied fairly reassuringly. "They're being perfectly fine with us, and it seems genuine. They keep apologising for the interruptions."

"Have you seen Loktar today?" she asked him next.

He was silent for a second, no doubt thrown by the seeming inconsistency of her thoughts. She knew where she was going with it though. "Er… No, we haven't," he told her.

She sighed and glanced at her watch. "Can you keep the negotiations going for a few more hours?"

"I think so."

"Okay. Do that. Have Lorne keep a close eye on what's happening though, and if there is any reason to believe you're going to be in danger, I want you out of there."

"You'll get no argument from me."

"Check in in one hour."

Rodney agreed and their conversation ended. Elizabeth glanced again at her watch and then looked back to the 'gate. "Come on," she whispered, so softly that no one else would hear her.

-----

Elizabeth ran into the control room as the 'gate sprung to life.

"Receiving Doctor McKay's IDC," the technician told her.

Her hopes dropped a little, but she focussed on the matter at hand. They were early. "Lower the shield…. Rodney?"

"Elizabeth," Rodney said, through her earpiece. "The Melerans have apologised for cutting our negotiations short, but they've suggested we return to Atlantis while they deal with their 'situation'."

"Are you – "

"We're fine," Lorne cut in. "There's been no hostility, they're incredibly apologetic. Whatever is happening I'm sure is unrelated to us. They have said to contact them in a few days to rearrange our talks."

Elizabeth nodded even though they couldn't see her. "Come on home then."

Seconds later the teams stepped through the 'gate and Elizabeth walked down to the 'gate room to meet them.

"Have you any idea what's going on?" she asked as Rodney and Lorne stopped in front of her.

Both men shook their heads.

"Everything seems to be on a heightened state of alert," Lorne spoke, "They're going on the defensive. They seem to know of an imminent attack… Or, at least, they're preparing for one."

"The Wraith?" Elizabeth asked.

"Maybe," Lorne shrugged. "They didn't tell us much at all."

"Okay… I guess there's nothing we do, but respect their wishes then. Go see Carson for your post-mission check-ups and relax for the evening," she instructed, with a small smile.

The rest of the teams turned to head for the infirmary, but Rodney and Lorne remained.

"Is there something else?" she asked them, knowing what was coming.

The two men glanced at each other and seemed to come to a silent agreement, then Rodney answered her question.

"After you visited the farm, the purpose of our presence seemed to revert back to the original mission – " He stopped when both Elizabeth and Lorne frowned at him. "What?"

Lorne rolled his eyes. "Elizabeth, when you came back from the farm, it seemed like trying to figure out if Loktar is John was no longer important… We were told to focus on the trade agreement. What happened?"

Elizabeth straightened up. She couldn't tell them. "I had some time to talk to people while we were gone. I came to some decisions."

"That's very vague," Rodney commented.

"It's all I'm willing – " She paused, that made her sound so cold. "It's all I'm comfortable saying right now… I need some time, and then, one way or another I'll explain everything to you."

"One way or another?" Rodney echoed with a frown.

"Rodney, please, just trust me," she implored.

He met her gaze for a second, and seemed to consider her request. She wasn't offended by this, she knew he did trust her, but she was being very mysterious, and he was bound to find that unsettling.

"Okay," he said eventually. "I'll stop hounding you."

She smiled. "That's much appreciated."

"Is Jake around? I haven't had blue jello in days I was thinking he might like to join me." At her look he added, "After my check up."

"He's on the mainland with Ronon and Teyla, they should be back in a couple of hours though. I'm sure he'd love to join you."

"Excellent," Rodney grinned. "Excellent… Well I'll see you later then."

Lorne and Elizabeth shared amused smiles as Rodney started to leave and then the Colonel followed him. Elizabeth watched them go before lowering her eyes to the floor as she sighed wearily. "Oh what a tangled web," she muttered, then her eyes slowly raised and looked up at the 'gate.

She stared at it for a few seconds, her mind running through the last few days, replaying the events, reliving her conversations. With another sigh, she turned and walked back to her office.

-----

"And I must have been there for an hour before anyone found me," Jake said excitedly, while blue jello wobbled on the spoon that had been halfway to his mouth when he started his story.

"An hour?" Elizabeth asked, feigning amazement. "You're getting too good at that game."

"It's my favouritest game," he told her, grinning proudly, before slurping the jello into his mouth.

"Some of the Athosian children have asked if Jake will teach them how to find better hiding places," Teyla said to Elizabeth with a smile. "Ronon does not think it's such a good idea."

"Well, it took me near enough twenty – "

Teyla nudged him in the ribs with her elbow.

He frowned and then realised why she had done it when he noticed Jake was looking up at him, listening to every word. " - An hour to find Jake, I don't need the rest of them being able to hide that well."

Elizabeth laughed. "An expert at hiding from, and tracking down, the Wraith, but when it comes to children…" She trailed off, the glimmer in her eyes saying the rest for her.

Teyla and Rodney joined her in laughing, and Ronon offered a small smile.

"Children are small," he said. "They can effectively disappear under rocks," he said, looking pointedly at Jake as he tickled the little man's side.

Jake giggled and squirmed, all the while grinning quite victoriously and trying to get his spoon into the bowl for more jello.

"How is everyone on the mainland?" Elizabeth asked Teyla.

"They are well… Helina should give birth any day now. We thought it would happen while we were there, but apparently this little one is reluctant to meet the world."

"Probably because it knows Ronon will be trying to prevent it from learning how to play hide and seek in the future," Rodney mumbled through his mouthful of jello.

Elizabeth and Teyla smiled as Ronon glowered at Rodney.

"Do you have any plans for children yourselves?" Elizabeth asked the two Pegasus galaxy natives. She was smirking as she asked, it was something she frequently asked them because Ronon always seemed so uncomfortable with the question.

They answered simultaneously, Ronon saying 'Yes' and Teyla saying 'No'.

Elizabeth smirked again as the couple looked at each other with surprise. "Perhaps you should discuss this."

"Perhaps you should remind each other which way round your answers are supposed -" Rodney offered, before being cut short by the sounding of the 'gate activation alarm.

Elizabeth's eyes widened and she swept from her seat. "Rodney can you take Jake?" she asked as the others rose with her.

"Sure," he said as they all ran from the mess hall.

"We'll come with you," Teyla said to Elizabeth.

The three of them reached the control room just as the wormhole activated, the security teams were in place, and the technician was prepared to receive an IDC.

"How many teams do we have offworld?" Ronon asked.

Elizabeth didn't answer, she was focussed intently on the 'gate technician.

"Receiving IDC, Ma'am. It's – " He stopped and looked at her, eyes wide. "It's yours."

"Lower the shield!" she ordered, running past Ronon and Teyla and down into the 'gateroom.

She slowed as she reached the bottom of the steps, her heart pounding in anticipation of what was about to happen.

"Ma'am!" one of the marines yelled to her, moving from his position to pull her over to one side with him. She barely acknowledged the act, remaining focussed on the event horizon.

It seemed like an eternity later when two people stepped through the 'gate, carrying a third.

Elizabeth gasped, smiled and burst into tears simultaneously, and ran across the room, radioing for a medical team as the two men laid the third person on the ground.

"Teanna?" she asked, surprised, as she got close enough to see who it was. Her eyes met one of the men's and he nodded. The other remained huddled over the unconscious woman on the floor.

When the medical team arrived, Carson quickly hid his surprise and confusion behind the urgency of the situation, and Elizabeth and the others moved back out of his way.

"John?" she whispered quietly and the other of the two men turned to face her, a shaky smile instantly sweeping across his dirt-ridden features. "What – "

"It's a long story," he said as he stepped forward and enveloped her in his arms.

She buried her head in the crook of his neck as tears streamed down her cheeks and she pulled him more tightly into the embrace.

"Four years too long," he whispered, stroking her hair.

TBC…


	14. Chapter Thirteen

A/N: Thank you to Alza for reading this through for me and putting to rest my fears, and thank you to all who have reviewed and encouraged me to write more of this. I hope this chapter answers some of your questions.

Chapter Thirteen

_The smell of smoke filling his nostrils; the sound of screaming and shouting, of running. His chest aches in the vicelike grip they hold him in as he yells for them to let her go, to bring her back. She is limp in their arms as they step through the 'gate and he fights against his captor to let him go after her. His only reward is a blow to the side of his head. As he feels the darkness creeping in, he hears them mutter something about Atlantis, then they yank his head up to watch as they send an IDC through the 'gate, followed by some sort of machine. Their words are muffled, but he discerns 'say goodbye' and is forced to watch as what he assumes is a weapon is passed through the open wormhole. He thinks he screams his protest, but he isn't sure the sound comes out. Then his head drops forward and the darkness closes in…_

---

He jerked awake, a strangled cry coming from deep in his throat. Elizabeth was out of her seat and standing beside him instantly, one hand enclosing his, the other resting on his shoulder.

"It's okay," she whispered, "It's okay."

"Teanna?" he asked through his breathlessness, as he squirmed on the bed, trying to get more comfortable.

"She's okay – "

He stopped fidgeting. "Elizabeth," he said, warningly. He always could tell when she was covering the truth.

She leaned even closer to the bed. "She has internal injuries, Carson's operating on her now. He said she should be fine though."

He rubbed a hand across his eyes and she dropped her hands, suddenly unsure as to whether or not she should be touching him. He caught her fingers as she pulled them out of his though. He caressed them gently until she looked up and met his eyes.

"I missed you," he whispered hoarsely, tears filling his eyes.

Her own eyes instantly filled with moisture, and a small sob escaped her tightened throat. "God, John, I…" she trailed off, not knowing what to say. She had so many questions, but didn't feel it appropriate to bombard him with them four hours after his return when he'd been awake only a few minutes.

"I thought you were dead," he told her, pulling on her hand, encouraging her to sit on the side of the bed.

She obliged, and he grasped both of her hands now, sitting up and leaning closer to her. "That's my line," she told him quietly.

He moved his hands to cup her cheeks, wiping at her tears as his own freely flowed down his face. "I thought you were dead, Elizabeth. They made me watch as they sent a bomb through the 'gate – "

Elizabeth shifted closer to him, resting her hands on his neck. "There was no bomb, John. What are you – "

"I watched them!" he exclaimed and she started slightly. "And I screamed for you and for Jake but no sound came out…"

Elizabeth pulled herself forward, wrapping her arms around him as his crying grew more intense and his words started to fade out. He held her tightly against him, his face pressed into her shoulder, his body shaking as he sobbed with pain she could only imagine. And she cried with him. For his pain, for the years she had thought he was dead, for the last few days when he seemed so close and yet still not with them, and for the fact that he was back now.

"It's okay," she whispered, the words squeaking with her emotion. She rubbed his back soothingly. "You're okay. I'm okay and Jake is wonderful." She smiled as she spoke of his son. "He's like a little version of you. Gets up to just as much mischief." She felt him laugh against her, and her smile widened. "I'll bring him by when you've rested some more."

He tightened the embrace and for minutes they just sat in silence, holding each other, reassuring themselves that they weren't imagining this. She still had countless questions, the information he had given her had only confused her more, but she tried to push it all to one side. He was here, and for now, that was all that should matter.

---

Carson cleared his throat, obviously not wanting to interrupt their moment, but also needing to.

Elizabeth pulled out of John's arms, and slipped from her seat on the bed, to stand beside it, folding her arms across her chest, surprised to find herself anxious about what Carson had to say.

"It's good to see you awake, Colonel," the doctor said to John.

"It's good to see you, Carson," John responded. "How's Teanna?"

"She's going to be fine. She'll sleep for several hours now, and then she'll have to take it easy, but she should make a full recovery."

John sighed with relief and his entire body visibly relaxed.

"I'll release you to go back to your quarters once you've slept for a while longer," Carson promised him. "You look completely exhausted, four hours is not enough."

John simply nodded, and the unexpected instant compliance reminded Elizabeth that a lot could have changed in the four years they'd been apart.

"While you rest, I should go and explain all this to Jake," she said, stepping away, forcing a small smile.

"Stay?" John asked before she could make a further move.

"You need to rest," she told him. "And I need to tell Jake what's going on before he sees you and Teanna."

"I owe you an explanation," he said, apologetically.

She smiled again to reassure him. "It can wait until you're rested."

"Don't pull away from me."

She glanced towards Carson who nodded and slipped away to leave them alone. "I'm not pulling away, John," she said, calmly, turning back to him. "I thought you would want to see Jake, and I need to explain the situation to him before that happens."

"But you don't know what the situation is," he said, sitting up more in the bed.

"I know enough to tell him that we've found his Mom and Dad, that his Mom is poorly, but that she'll be better soon."

"Okay, that's enough for Jake, but what about you?"

"I know everything I need to know. Malnos has explained that we have no reason to fear Melera. He told us they were preparing in case your mission failed… I'm assuming your mission was something to do with Teanna. So I'm also assuming the people of Melera knew of your true identity, or at least that you weren't from their planet – or at least some of them knew something…"

She was rambling, and she knew he would see straight through it.

"I had to pretend I didn't know you," he stated, interrupting her.

She stopped speaking and met his eyes, uncertainly.

"It's a very long story, Elizabeth. And I promise I will give you every detail at some point. But right now, you need the abridged version so you can stop feeling betrayed."

"I don't – "

"Elizabeth. I missed you," he said again, silencing her with his words. "I missed you, and I mourned you, and I couldn't believe it when you stepped through that 'gate… But everything was in place to rescue Teanna and I couldn't – There wasn't time to explain it all without more of the Melerans having to know, and then I couldn't guarantee the secrecy of the plan. It was hard enough when Lorne arrived, but for you to be so close, and to not be able to speak to you as myself or to hold you and tell you how much I missed you… God, it almost tore me apart… Why do you think I was always there? I needed to be around you. Even if it was as Loktar."

He was visibly upset, talking about this, and Elizabeth took the few steps needed to take her back to his side.

"John, you don't have to do this."

"I want to. Now, so it's out of the way and we can all move on."

"Okay," she whispered, and she perched on the edge of the bed.

"The message about Teanna's father was a trap. We walked straight into an ambush. They'd set fire to the buildings, the people were running into the woods, shots were fired after them. Warning shots, I think, they didn't seem to be aiming at the people."

"What did they want with you and Teanna?"

"They wanted Teanna… One of them was the man who had her pinned against the wall."

"The man you saved her from."

"Yeah… His men took her and left through the 'gate. Whoever held me hit me over the head when I tried to break free to stop them. Everything's very vague after that. But I remember them saying something about Atlantis, and I watched them send an IDC and then a bomb. Then I blacked out as I tried to scream for them to stop… The next thing I knew, I woke up on Melera, in the village I told you about. I had no memories of my past. Nothing. They told me I'd been found in the woods. And from breaks to the bones in my arm and leg, they assumed I'd fallen from a tree. They put my memory loss down to that."

"But it could have been the blow to the head?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. It could have been that. Or perhaps I was drugged. I've no idea… I only started to remember two years later when I started on the council security force, I think seeing the Stargate triggered my memories. Little snippets started to come back, and then eventually I remembered Atlantis, and you, and Jake and Teanna and then…" He trailed off as his emotions overwhelmed him.

"John, you don't – "

"I do," he insisted, and took a deep breath before continuing. "Then I remembered what they did. And that it was all gone. I'd remembered home, only to realise it wasn't there anymore. I got quite depressed, and Julan – he was on the council then, but wasn't the leader as he is now – asked me what was going on. I didn't go into detail, but I told him I'd started to remember my past, and that my home was destroyed. I'd come to trust him. At first when I started to remember, I wasn't sure whether the Melerans were the ones who'd taken me. But I never saw any faces I recognised, and there was no sign of Teanna."

"How did you find her?"

"I went offworld with a council delegation for a trade negotiation. They were a little wary of the others and in situations like that it was our job to try to break free from the group and nosey around. While Malnos and I were doing that, supposedly lost looking for the great hall, we came across the kitchens and the slaves they had working in there. Teanna was one of them… We didn't have much time to talk, so I still don't know how she got there, but I promised I'd get her out… Malnos and I used the trade negotiations to figure out how that could be done, and then last night, the plan was put into motion."

"And Julan knew what was going to happen? That's what they were preparing for?"

"Yeah, just in case it was traced back to them…"

"But you came here," Elizabeth pointed out, suddenly wondering whether they should be prepared for an attack.

"We were always going to detour via several gates. So hopefully we won't be tracked to here… They don't have ships and things anyway, so the shield should keep them back."

She nodded with a certain level of relief. "Okay. Did you tell Julan you were coming here?"

"Yeah. He approached me after you left the last time, and asked if Atlantis was the home I'd told him of… He said something about you being unable to take your eyes off me," he explained with a small smirk.

Elizabeth responded with a smirk of her own. "You know, I never would have thought it possible, but I've missed that annoying, knowing smirk."

His smiled widened into a grin, and hers followed suit. Their eyes held for countless seconds, and then his expression became serious again.

"It was so hard letting you go that night…"

Her own smile fell.

"… Then I got back to my apartment, and found your GDO in my pocket." He smiled again. "And I realised there was still no fooling Elizabeth Weir."

She laughed once. "Well, you were never very good at it. Others do manage to fool me… And, if I'm honest, I don't know how much of leaving that for you was hope not certainty."

"Lorne will go mad when he finds out you intentionally left your GDO offworld."

She smirked. "Well, if you hadn't been you, then you wouldn't have been able to use it anyway. So, no harm done."

"You know that's not how Lorne'll see it," he grinned.

She leaned closer to him, so her face was only inches from his, and his grin slipped away, replaced by nervousness. "John," she said quietly, "I got you back to Atlantis… I don't care how Lorne sees it."

He laughed. "And thank you, for getting me back."

She shook her head. "Think nothing of it," she smiled. "Of course, now I know about your memory loss, I realise we're very lucky you remembered Jake's birthday."

He nodded. "True." He looked into her eyes for a second, and her heart sped up the same way it always did. Then she jumped slightly when he gently placed his right hand on her cheek. "Sorry," he whispered. "That was a nice touch, by the way."

She frowned.

"Telling me it was Jake's birthday."

"Ah," she nodded, unable to form any more of a response while his thumb was gently stroking her cheek.

"Elizabeth," he whispered barely audibly. "I know four years is a very long time…"

She found herself moving subconsciously closer to him as he spoke and her lips were only millimetres from his when an exclamation from the doorway broke them apart.

"Aunty Elizabeth!!"

TBC…


	15. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

"Jake," Elizabeth greeted the little boy, as she swept from the bed and over to where he remained standing in the doorway. "What are you – "

Rodney entered next, out of breath and clutching his side. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth, he ran away from me and he's just too darn quick I couldn't – " The scientist stopped when his eyes caught sight of John. "Sheppard?… So, it's true."

John gave a small smile. "Rodney."

"Not that I expected Teyla and Ronon were lying, but…" he trailed off, still looking in amazement at the man in the bed.

"Jake," Elizabeth reprimanded, crouching down in front of him, "You know you are supposed to stay with whoever is taking care of you until I come to get you."

"I'm sorry, Aunty 'Lizabeth," the boy replied quickly, "but Unc' Ronon and Aunty Teyla came by and they said you were in the infirmary and I wanted to make sure you're okay." Throughout his explanation, Jake's eyes flitted past Elizabeth and over to John, regarding him with a mixture of curiosity and fear.

Elizabeth sighed imperceptibly, she had wanted to have time to explain what had happened to Jake and prepare him to meet John and Teanna. She hadn't planned for this scenario.

"But that could have been dangerous, sweetie, couldn't it?" She knew Jake was sorry, because he dragged his eyes away from the object of his interest and cast them downwards. "Plus," she added with a cheeky smile, "you made Uncle Rodney run, and you know how he hates that."

Jake lifted his eyes to hers, giggling, as Rodney managed to break free from his amazement long enough to protest being teased.

After smiling up at Rodney, Elizabeth turned back to Jake to find he was once more peeking at John. She took his hands in hers, and he faced her.

"Aunty 'Lizabeth?" he spoke before she had chance to.

"Yes, honey?" She knew what was coming.

"That man… Were you gonna kiss that man?"

Or maybe she didn't.

Thrown off course by his unexpected question, she stumbled to answer him. "Er… well…"

"It looked like you were going to," he stated in her silence.

Shaking her head to break free from the bizarre turn the conversation had taken, she brought her eyes to focus on Jake, and gently squeezed his hands.

"Honey. We need to have a little talk about who that man is," she told Jake, softly.

He stole another look and stepped closer to her.

"Do you recognise him?" she whispered, when she saw Jake's face tighten with anxiety. He nodded slowly. She swallowed against the rise of emotion at seeing him so afraid. "It's okay," she assured him. He stepped even closer.

"He looks different," he whispered, barely audibly.

She nodded. "He will do, honey. It's been a long time since the photographs were taken… But I promise you it's the same person. And there is nothing for you to worry about… You saw me talking to him, didn't you?"

Jake nodded.

"And Uncle Rodney is talking to him now."

He nodded again.

"So you see, there's nothing to worry about," she smiled reassuringly. "And I know that he would very much like to speak to you."

Jake's eyes shot to hers, wide and uncertain.

"He's missed you," she told him softly. "Some bad people took him away from you – "

"Wraith?" Jake asked quickly.

"No. Some other bad people. But Uncle Marc found him, and now he's back with us. Do you think you can talk to him?"

He pursed his lips in thought and looked again to the space behind where she was now kneeling. "You come?" he asked.

She nodded. "Of course I will," she smiled. "And Uncle Rodney can stay too, if you want."

He nodded to this while studying John again, then she saw his eyes widen with a sudden thought. "Is Mommy back too?" he asked her.

She nodded again. "Yes, she is… But your Mommy is poorly, so Uncle Carson has put her in a different room to get lots of sleep to make her feel better."

"Like when you were poorly?"

She smiled at the speed of his thinking. "Yes, like when I was poorly. And she will get better. Just like I did… And then you can meet her as well."

He smiled a little, and she managed to relax slightly, seeing that he seemed to be adjusting to the idea of what was happening.

"He's looking at me," he whispered to her.

She gave a small laugh. "He will be, sweetie. He's missed you lots, and you've grown up since he last saw you."

"I'm four," he told her.

"Yes you are," she agreed.

"And Mommy and Daddy will be able to come to my next birthday party."

She had learned, as soon as Jake started to speak, to never be surprised by the things he came out with. The kiss comment had managed to stun her, but the sudden talk of his next birthday was just Jake.

"Yes they will," she smiled.

"And maybe they'll get me a present," he stated.

"I'm sure they will."

"And they'll be able to come to Earth with us, and see Grandma."

He was rambling now, in very much the same way she did: to cover his nerves and delay what he was worried about.

She nodded. "Why don't we go tell Daddy about the last time we went to Earth? So he'll know how good it is and he can look forward to it too."

"He's been to Earth before," Jake frowned.

"Yes, but not for a very long time… And he's never met Grandma. And he's never been on the Wormhole Xtreme ride, because it wasn't there last time Daddy was on Earth."

Jake's eyes lit up at the thought of telling John about the ride.

"Shall we go tell him?" she asked, keeping her own eyes as bright as his.

Jake nodded. "You can hold my hand," he told her.

"Thank you," she smiled, standing up straight and holding out her right hand for him to take.

He placed his little fingers inside it, and they approached John's bed.

Conversation between the two men in the room had died out when John couldn't take his eyes off Jake, and now they both watched as Elizabeth, and the boy with more uncles and aunts than anyone else in the universe, crossed the infirmary.

Jake drew closer and closer to Elizabeth's side as they walked, until he was practically standing behind her as they reached the bed. He looked up, warily, at John.

"Hi there," John greeted his son, and Elizabeth could see the unshed tears glistening in his eyes.

"Hello," Jake said, quietly.

"Do you want to come sit up here on the bed, so you don't get a sore neck from looking up at me?" John asked him.

Jake nodded, and Elizabeth lifted him onto the bed. He shuffled himself into a comfortable position and then stared at John.

There was a brief silence, as, clearly, neither John nor Jake had any idea what to say. Then John held out his hand, and introduced himself. "I'm John."

Jake smiled, because he liked the grown up gesture of shaking hands, Elizabeth knew, and he put his own hand in his father's.

"Jake," he grinned proudly.

John nodded.

"And you're my dad," Jake added.

John smiled, and Elizabeth thought there was a hint of relief in it. "Yes I am."

"Did the bad people hurt you?" The little voice was filled with concern. Elizabeth's heart broke to have to see them like this, but she reminded herself that this way was at least better than the other alternative.

"A few years ago they did… But I got better."

"Why're you in the infirmary then?" Jake asked.

John smiled at the astute question. "Because I'm very tired. I was very busy yesterday and the doc says I have to get some more sleep before I'm allowed to go to my quarters."

"Uncle Carson's a good doctor."

"Yes he is," John agreed.

"I cut my leg once and he fixed it right up."

"Really? Were you very brave?"

"Yep," Jake nodded. "Because I'm a Sheppard."

John's eyes flew instantly to Elizabeth's, silently asking if she had been the one to teach him that. She just blushed slightly, and lowered her eyes to look at Jake, who was now rolling up his trouser leg to show John the scar his cut had left.

She laughed to herself as John was as overly-enthusiastic about it as they had all been when it happened, and then a few tears silently trickled down her cheeks as she watched father and son interact; John showing Jake some of the scars he had from when he was a child.

Rodney came to stand beside her, and he wrapped one arm across her shoulders. She smiled, gratefully, and leaned her head on his shoulder, then they both laughed when Jake began the tale of how he made Uncle Rodney go on the Wormhole Xtreme ride seventeen times.

TBC…


	16. Chapter Fifteen

A/N: Many, many apologies - and even more now I see it's been over a year! - for the delay posting more chapters of this. I truly appreciate all the reviews and thank you for being patient with me. So, by way of an apology, here are two chapters together :-)

Chapter Fifteen

Elizabeth felt the bed shift behind her, and carefully rolled over, forcing her eyes open, to find Jake sitting beside her.

"Are you awake, Aunty 'Lizabeth?" his little voice whispered.

Elizabeth smiled. "I am, honey. What's the matter?"

He let out a thoughtful sigh, and then said, "I want to go see Mommy."

Elizabeth felt her eyebrows rise, and she sat up slightly in bed, realising this was going to be a serious conversation and not one of Jake's random, midnight, 'Why is blue jello blue?' type-questions.

"We're going to go and see her tomorrow, sweetie. Remember, I told you that. And Daddy will come with us."

In the dim light she could see Jake's head nod up and down a few times but, from his silence, she could tell his mind was still working through something.

"I had a bad dream," he eventually said, and Elizabeth lifted her arm to allow him to snuggle up next to her.

"What was it about?" she asked him softly.

"I went to see Mommy," he explained in a tiny, worried voice, "And she wasn't there."

Elizabeth hugged him securely. "Aww, honey, it was just a nightmare."

"And Unc' Carson wasn't there," he continued, the increasing pitch of his voice indicating that he was getting more and more distressed, "And when I turned round you and Daddy weren't there – "

"Shh," she soothed, holding him against her, gently stroking his cheek, and softly pressing her lips to the top of his head. "It's okay. It was just your mind playing naughty tricks on you… Like that time Uncle Rodney dreamt that he had to go on the Wormhole Xtreme ride fifty times in a row, remember?"

Jake let out a small giggle at this and Elizabeth felt relieved that the distraction had worked. She had known it was inevitable that the return of his parents would cause some confusion for Jake. She just hoped she could help him through it without it leaving him with a permanent fear of losing people.

"I promise Mommy will be there when we go to the infirmary, and Uncle Carson will be there taking care of her. And Daddy will be with us – "

"And you will always be with me," Jake interrupted, "Even when you're not here."

Elizabeth smiled at this comment and nodded. Jake had been two years old the first time Elizabeth had actually had to leave him in Atlantis. She had managed to avoid going offworld up until that point, but when a trade agreement went awry, it was unavoidable. He had cried and screamed when she was leaving him, somehow knowing that she would be away longer than the few hours that she usually left him with one of the others while she worked.

Carson had assured her that he would calm down once she left, and upon her return, Teyla recounted that she had explained to Jake that his Aunty Elizabeth would always be with him, even when she wasn't physically there. Elizabeth had been surprised at the time that such a reassurance had worked on such a young child, but soon after it became clear that Jake had taken it in, and found it comforting at times when Elizabeth couldn't be with him.

"Exactly," she smiled to him, now. "It was just your brain being silly… Do you remember what Uncle Rodney said that he did after his bad dream?"

Jake nodded. "He had a drink of water, and then went back to bed, and then he only had to go on the ride once."

"That's right," she said enthusiastically, trying not laugh at the craziness of the conversations Jake and Rodney had. "Should we get you a drink of water?"

Jake nodded and climbed down from the bed and the two of them walked through to the small kitchen area, and she poured Jake a glass of water. He drank it all without lowering the glass once, and then handed it back to her.

"Okay," she said, crouching down in front of him, "Now, back to bed with you. You need to be well rested when we go and see Mommy tomorrow."

Jake nodded and leaned forwards pressing a kiss to Elizabeth's cheek. "Night night," he said then he ran off back into his room.

Elizabeth stood up, and watched Jake disappear into his bedroom. She let out a soft sigh as she thought about how confused the little boy must be. She frequently expected to wake up to find that it had all been a dream, and John and Teanna weren't back with them at all. She hoped, for all their sakes, that that was never going to happen.

-----

The next morning, Jake was still sleeping when John arrived to accompany his son and Elizabeth to the infirmary.

"He's still asleep," Elizabeth explained to John, "He was up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream; I thought it best to let him be."

John nodded. "You should have contacted me, I could have come by later, to let you get some more rest too."

She shook her head. "I'm fine. I thought, maybe, we could talk before we go?"

John nodded, looking slightly anxious.

"It's nothing to worry about, John," she smiled. "I just thought you should know what Jake's dream was about."

"Ah," he said, sitting down beside her on the sofa when she invited him to.

She explained the dream and how distressed Jake had been.

John let out a heavy sigh, "The poor kid."

"It's a lot for him to take in. I don't think he ever really understood why his Mom and Dad weren't here with him. But he definitely understood what it meant that you and Teanna were his parents. He's so pleased to have you back," she smiled. "But, I think it's only natural for him to worry that it's going to turn out not to be real… Hell, I worry, that it's going to turn out not to be real."

"Elizabeth…"

It was only when she had to look up to meet John's eyes that Elizabeth realised she had looked away while she was talking. "Yeah?"

"You're rambling," he told her with a small smirk.

She laughed once. "I'm sorry… I guess everything's just starting to sink in. Up until now I'd just been running on autopilot, going with the flow, and not really taking in what was happening… Now that I'm starting to… Well, I'm terrified I'm going to find out it's all a dream, or wishful thinking, or nanites or – "

She stopped when John gently placed his hand beneath her chin and raised her eyes to meet his once more.

"Elizabeth, I assure you, this is real."

She stared at the sincerity in his eyes; eyes that for years she had longed for another chance to get lost in. A smile spread across her lips as tears welled in her eyes.

He smiled in return. "I missed you," he said quietly, stroking the tip of his thumb across her lips.

She softly kissed the pad of his thumb, and whispered, "I love you."

Her own eyes widened as John's did and she realised what she had said. She was just sitting, like an animal caught in car headlights, wondering what he was going to do, when an exclamation of "Oh no!" from Jake's room saved her, as Jake came running into the room.

She ducked her head away from John's hand and turned to face Jake. "What's wrong?" she asked him.

"We're late!" he exclaimed.

"It's okay," she assured him. "I told Uncle Carson that we'd be a little late. And he said Mommy was still asleep too."

Jake nodded. "Okay."

"But the quicker you can get washed and dressed, the sooner we'll be there," Elizabeth challenged with bright eyes.

Jake's eyes lit up. "Will you help me?"

"Of course I will," she smiled, standing from the sofa as Jake ran into the bathroom.

"Elizabeth," John called after her.

She turned, adopting a pleasant smile that conveyed more confidence than she felt. "We'll talk later." Then she followed her 'nephew' and busied herself with getting him ready, trying not to think about what an idiot she had just been.

---

Ten minutes later, Elizabeth and Jake emerged from Jake's bedroom; Jake dressed in blue trousers and a black t-shirt.

"Hey, don't you look smart," John complimented him.

"These are my favouritest clothes," Jake grinned.

"Ah. I have some just like those. Only bigger," John smiled.

Jake nodded. "I know. Aunty Teyla says when I wear these, that I'm just like a little you."

Elizabeth smiled at how pleased John looked to hear that.

"And whenever I sneak up on him," Jake was continuing, "or play tricks on him, Uncle Rodney says that I'm just like a little you."

John laughed at this. "You shouldn't really play tricks on Uncle Rodney, you know?" He was clearly doing his best to sound parental.

"I know," Jake nodded, then he glanced sideways at Elizabeth and took a couple of steps closer to John. "But he's so funny when he's mad."

Elizabeth heard him, despite the 'distance' he had put between them, and she couldn't help but laugh.

"Come on you two, let's go see Mommy before you start plotting to scare Uncle Rodney again."

She opened the door and allowed father and son to leave before her, and she listened to them chat about the tricks Jake had played on Rodney as they walked to the transporter.

Once inside, conversation fell quiet, as Jake watched the lights on the display, with fascination as he did every time he was in a transporter.

John was ostensibly watching his son, but Elizabeth had noticed that he kept glancing at her. She looked around the transporter self-consciously, and after a couple of seconds, John moved to stand directly beside her.

"Elizabeth," he said quietly, obviously intending to shield their conversation from Jake.

"We'll talk later, John," she said, forcing her convincing smile again.

"Last time we agreed to do that, four years passed before we were in the same room again," he said solemnly.

Elizabeth swallowed the lump that formed in her throat at his words. "I know," she whispered. "But now really isn't – "

"I love you too," he interrupted her, and her breath caught in her throat. He grinned at her stunned reaction. "Yes, I heard what you said," he smirked.

She narrowed her eyes at him, but was unable to stop the telltale smile that crept across her lips.

He smiled victoriously, and as the transporter doors opened he added, "We will talk later, Elizabeth. But I thought that needed saying sooner."

Elizabeth's stomach fluttered with a mixture of hope, anticipation and terror, and she held John's gaze until a cry of "Come on!" from a little voice down the corridor snapped them both back to reality.

TBC…


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter 16

Teanna was still in a private room of the infirmary, and Carson led the little group of visitors through to the door.

"She's awake, and she's expecting you," he said to Jake, with an excited smile.

Jake smiled up at the doctor, but Elizabeth could see the wariness in his eyes. She placed her hand reassuringly on his shoulder, and he edged nearer to her.

"Now you have to be very careful," Carson told him. "Mummy is getting better, but she's still very sore from the operation."

Jake nodded. "Like Aunty 'Lizabeth was."

In the corner of her eyes, Elizabeth saw John's head shoot up to look at her, concern etched in his features.

"Yes, like when Aunty Elizabeth had her operation. You just have to be gentle, okay?"

Jake nodded again. "I'll look after her," he stated.

Carson smiled and pushed open the door, and Elizabeth and John followed as Jake took tentative steps into the room.

Teanna's bed had been propped up so that she could sit up, and she looked immediately to the door, tears instantly springing to her eyes as a wide smile spread across her lips.

A wave of anxiety rolled over Elizabeth but she pushed it away before it could register its cause, and she watched as Jake's eyes never left his mother's as he crossed the room.

"Hi," he said quietly as he stopped beside the bed and looked up as Teanna looked down at him.

Teanna's tears broke free now and flowed down her cheeks as her smile widened even further. "Hi, Jake," she replied in a choked whisper.

John stepped forward and lifted his son onto the bed, settling him facing Teanna. Elizabeth observed the other woman taking in each one of Jake's features – the wide, bright eyes, so inquisitive and interested; his little nose, that occasionally twitched involuntarily; the unruly spikes of his hair, so reminiscent of his father's; his delicate hands, clasped now in his lap… Everything Elizabeth had come to know and love in the four years she had watched him grow.

The anxiety washed over her again, and this time there was no ignoring its source. Her throat tightened as it hit her full force that Jake's parents were home: Everything was going to change.

Instantly cursing herself for having such thoughts Elizabeth tried to shake the uneasiness away, forcing her happiness at seeing Jake reunited with his mother to the forefront of her mind.

Teanna's hand softly traced Jake's cheeks, and the little one smiled at her – a smile Elizabeth now realised was the image of his mother's.

"You want a hug?" he offered and Teanna laughed and nodded.

"Yes please," she whispered.

Jake carefully shuffled up the bed, and rested his head on Teanna's shoulder, and his arm across her chest. More tears streamed from the younger woman's eyes, and she was visibly shaking as she held Jake as tightly as she physically could.

"Don't cry," Jake whispered to her, and Elizabeth felt her own eyes sting with tears.

"I'll give the three of you some time alone," she said, hoping her voice sounded neutral and unaffected, as she stepped backwards away from the bed, needing to escape.

She noticed John frowning at her, but steadfast refused to allow her eyes to look at him fully.

Teanna nodded against Jake's little head and her swollen eyes looked up at Elizabeth. "Thank you," she whispered. "I never – "

Smiling understandingly, Elizabeth raised her hand to stall Teanna's words before she lost the battle against her emotions. "I'll come by to see you again soon."

Teanna nodded again, and Elizabeth turned and walked away, still determined not to let John catch her eye.

She passed through the infirmary, intentionally avoiding Carson's gaze as well, and made her way straight to the nearest balcony; breathing deeply when the cool air hit her. She found the railing and leaned against it, dropping her head and taking further soothing breaths.

She realised she was crying when one such breath caught on a sob, and the hands that automatically swept to her cheeks found them damp. And once she knew she was crying, it was impossible to stop it.

-----

An hour later, John found Elizabeth in her office, working as if nothing had happened earlier.

"Hey," he said with a small smile, stepping inside.

She looked up and smiled at him, and he was relieved to see that after four years, he could still read her expressions, and see straight through her fake smile. "Hey," she replied.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, wandering further into her office, but keeping his eyes fixed on her to study her response.

There was the fake smile again and then the overly cheerful tone she used to prevent her true feelings from coming through when she spoke. "I'm fine. I just thought I'd give you all some time alone, and I had some work to do so... Is Jake still with Teanna?"

"You haven't changed a bit," he smirked.

Elizabeth frowned and a brief look of panic entered her eyes.

"The smile; the cheer; the rambling. You still use all the same cover mechanisms," he explained, his expression becoming serious now. "Jake is with Teanna, to answer your question. Now, please, answer mine truthfully?"

He stopped in front of her desk and looked down at her as she diverted her gaze from his and busied herself moving her laptop and reports around her desk.

"I am fine, John," she reiterated, but it still rang of dishonesty.

"But?" he prompted.

The sigh she released could have been part laugh, he wasn't sure, but her hands stilled and she raised her head to look at him. "You haven't changed either."

He smiled. "I nag because I care."

This one was definitely a laugh, and she sat back in her chair, linking her hands together in her lap.

John perched on the corner of her desk like he always used to. "You're not going to lose Jake, Elizabeth."

The fake smile surfaced again. "John, that's not – "

"He adores you. You have done such a wonderful job with him, and Teanna and I can never even begin to thank you – "

"John, you don't – "

"You've been his parents the last four years, Elizabeth. We're not going to just ignore that."

"John, it's all right," she tried to assure him, but he wasn't buying it. She stood from the chair and leaned on the desk. "I know that things have to change – "

"Eventually…" he reminded her, closing his hand over hers where it rested on the desk. "But we've just come back. Jake's got to get to know us; we've got to recover from our injuries. Nothing is going to happen without us discussing it first… And you will always be a part of Jake's life whatever happens from now on."

She nodded, and he could see tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. "I know," she said quietly.

"Do you?" he asked, softly.

She frowned. "Of course I – "

"Then what's wrong?" He gently stroked his thumb along the back of her hand.

She dropped her eyes from his, and he knew she was preparing to lie to him again.

"Elizabeth," he whispered. "I meant what I said earlier… I love you… Talk to me?"

Encouraged by his hand under her chin again, she met his eyes. "I know that Jake will always be part of my life," she said, slowly, "I just… When he hugged Teanna, I was jealous, John." A tear trickled down her cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb. "She's just endured God knows what, after being torn away from her newborn son, and I'm so selfish that all I could think about was how this was going to take Jake away from me," she cried.

He took her head in both of his hands. "Hey, that's not selfish, that's natural."

"Well I hate myself for it!... I am so glad that you're both back. Please don't think that I'm not."

"We would never think that."

She swept both hands to her cheeks, pushing away her tears. "I'm sorry… I'm not handling this well. Like I said this morning, it's still very surreal."

"Tell me about it." He offered her a small smile. "But I promise you it is real… And I promise you're not going to lose Jake."

She nodded. "I know. Logically, I know that. I'm just not thinking logically right now," she said on a small laugh.

He laughed with her. "Well, you're very cute when you're illogical."

She rolled her eyes. "With my bloodshot eyes."

"And your little red nose," he grinned, tapping said nose with one finger.

She laughed, and then let out a big sigh, before looking straight at him and resting both of her hands on his chest. "You're really here," she stated.

"I am," he nodded.

"I've missed you," she squeaked, a fresh set of tears rolling down her cheeks as she leaned forward and embraced him.

"I know," he responded, returning the embrace. "You've mentioned it."

She laughed and hit him playfully on the arm. He held her for a moment and then pulled her back so he could see her face, stroking his thumbs across her cheeks.

"I missed you too," he whispered.

She smiled a watery smile. "You mentioned that," she whispered back.

He smiled back, and slipped one hand round to the back of her neck, tilting her head up to meet his as he moved closer. He was close enough to feel her shaky breath against his lips when he stopped.

"If I asked Jake to stay in the infirmary, he will, right?" he asked her quietly.

She frowned but answered, "Yes."

He smiled. "Ah, good. He has a habit of interrupting us."

She smiled and ran her fingertips through the hair at the top of his neck. "You do realise that right now _you_ are interrupting us?" she said quietly; her breath tickling his lips as she spoke, reinforcing her words.

He smirked sheepishly. "Ah, yeah. That's obviously where he gets it from."

He closed the small distance, and pressed his lips into hers – gently at first, savouring the contact. Her lips were as soft as he remembered them, her touch as tender as in dreams he'd had of her: And as those memories flooded back, so did reminders that they'd been apart for four years; that he thought he'd lost her; that this was a chance he had never dared hope he would get. Tightening his hold on her, he poured every bit of that emotion into the kiss, sliding from the desk and moving round to her without breaking their contact.

He held her body close to his; his hands stroking her back as hers gripped tightly to his shoulders. He leant back against the desk to steady them and her arms slid round his back as she naturally moved closer; stepping between his legs; bringing their bodies as close as they could possibly be.

Air was becoming a necessity, but both gasped for brief supplies between kisses; neither wanting to pull apart for fear something would separate them again.

John's hands were just sliding lower than Elizabeth's back when she jumped, and stepped back from him with a gasp.

"I'm sorry – " he began to apologise, concerned that he had gone too far, but she gently rested a hand on his chest, with a smile, as she indicated towards her radio.

"Ah," John said, relieved and unable to stop the smirk that was forming on his lips.

Clearly Elizabeth noticed it because she shot him a playful glare, as she responded to whoever was speaking in her earpiece.

"Yes. Thank you. I'll be there in five minutes," she said, then she offered him an apologetic smile.

"Duty calls," he said with an understanding nod, standing up from the desk.

"Actually, Carson calls," she told him, "Teanna was tired. Fell asleep about five minutes ago. He entertained Jake for as long he could with the infirmary machines – "

"Five minutes?" John asked, in disbelief.

"Apparently he started to ask questions Carson thought a parent should answer," Elizabeth smirked.

"He's four!" John exclaimed.

Elizabeth sighed melodramatically. "They grow up so fast."

They shared a smile and then checked their appearances before stepping out into public.

"He's going to have to get out of this habit of interrupting us though," John said as they walked out of the office.

"I'm pretty sure he's unaware that he's doing it," Elizabeth responded.

"Well, maybe I'll tell him."

"Oh yeah," Elizabeth scoffed. "And _that_'ll stop him asking questions!"

TBC…


	18. Chapter Seventeen NEW!

Chapter Seventeen

In the weeks following John and Teanna's return, the two of them spent a lot of time with Jake, getting to know their son, making sure he was comfortable around them. And Elizabeth spent the time adjusting to the fact that things were changing.

As she watched the little boy talk and play with his parents she became more and more aware of traits he had obviously inherited from them, and she watched them fall completely in love with him. She was relieved to see that Jake had adapted to the change easily; he loved spending time with his Mom and Dad and, on the days when Elizabeth hadn't been with them, he would regale her with tales of their adventures. A walk through the city may not seem like an adventure to most, but to a little boy of four, to make that walk with his parents after all those years was one of the biggest adventures he would ever experience.

There was still anxiety on Elizabeth's part whenever she thought about Jake moving out of their quarters and into Teanna's. She wasn't worried about his safety or comfort, no, her worries related to herself, and how she would manage once he was gone. But whenever she felt the familiar churning in her stomach, or her mind began to wander to such thoughts, she reminded herself how grateful she was that John and Teanna were there for Jake to move in with.

Teanna thanked Elizabeth on a daily basis for taking care of Jake, despite Elizabeth's assurances that she needn't thank her. Even a month after their return, tears came to Teanna's eyes whenever she spoke of Jake with Elizabeth.

Teanna had explained that the men who had taken her from Porta had actually wanted Jake. The man John had saved her from the night they were 'married' led a group of people who sold slaves to various peoples across the galaxy. He hadn't taken kindly to Teanna's rejection, and when he heard she was pregnant with a child conceived under lo'men, he had seen it as a prime opportunity for revenge – and the child would reach a good price. When he realised Teanna was no longer pregnant he had believed her story that she had lost the baby three months earlier, and sold her to his next clients. The devastation in Teanna's hometown had been a warning that they not cross him in future. Teanna's relief that Jake had not been with them on Porta was palpable each time they spoke, and she believed it was the spirits of lo'men who had protected him. Elizabeth had to admit that Jake did seem to be a very lucky child.

--

After six weeks Carson gave Teanna the all clear on her recovery from her injuries, and John, Teanna, Elizabeth and Jake all agreed that it was time for Jake to move in with his Mom.

Teanna had been set up in family quarters, and John and Elizabeth had taken Jake to Earth to choose some furniture for his new room. That he had returned with a bed that was shaped like a car was no surprise. Each time Elizabeth had taken Jake to Earth he had found cars to be absolutely fascinating – 'floor jumpers' he called them, because they were like puddle jumpers that didn't fly: a fact that Jake found as amazing as someone from Earth would find the fact that the puddle jumpers _did_ fly.

So, he was all set up with his new room, but when it came to the day that he would officially 'move house', John turned up at Elizabeth's quarters out of breath and panicking.

"What's the matter?" she asked, beginning to panic herself, when taking in his state.

"Is Jake here?" he asked her.

"No, John, he left with you," she reminded him, her heart starting to pound rapidly in her chest.

"He ran off and I can't find him. I've been everywhere I can think of – "

"Yet you're coming here last?!" she exclaimed.

"He wasn't heading this way. And I figured you'd let me know if he showed up here, but when I couldn't find him anywhere else I…" he trailed off to take a deep breath. "I'll get a lifesigns detector – "

Realisation hit them both at once as John said that and they were through the door and running along the corridor instantly. They didn't speak as they ran, nor as they arrived at their destination and passed through the disused lab to the innocuous looking panel on the far wall.

This hidden room had been created for Jake to stay in whenever there was an unauthorised 'gate activation. It was shielded from lifesign detectors, so that if anyone did ever gain entry to the city, his presence would not show up. At all times there was someone assigned to proceed to the room to take of Jake in the event of an activation.

Elizabeth kicked at the base of the panel and it slid sideways, revealing the small room, and Jake sitting in the middle of the floor, a picture book on his knee and tears streaming down his cheeks.

She sagged visibly with relief and crossed the room as her own tears began to prickle at her eyes.

"Jake," she sighed, dropping to the floor next to him, and embracing him when he immediately turned into her.

"I don't want to leave you," he cried against her chest.

Elizabeth's heart ached, and she held him close to her as she looked up, questioningly, at John who was hovering in the doorway.

"We were unpacking his books," he explained, "When it came to that one, he was telling me that you look at it every Friday night and make up stories together. He looked a little worried then, so I assured him you'd be able to go visit on Fridays to read the book with him. It must have hit him what was actually happening… I couldn't chase after him fast enough because of all the boxes… By the time I got out I saw him turn the far corner. I knew he wasn't headed for your quarters so I tried your office, Rodney's lab… It didn't occur to me to come here."

Elizabeth nodded. "He feels safe here," she stated.

"He really is good at hide and seek," John quipped.

Elizabeth laughed and gently pressed a kiss to the top of Jake's head. "Yes he is." Then she pulled him back a little so she could look at his face, and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Jake, you're not supposed to run around the city on your own."

"I was scared."

Elizabeth smiled sympathetically. "You're not scared, honey, you're a Sheppard, so you're really brave. You're just nervous because exciting things are happening." She let her eyes light up as she said 'exciting'.

"Why won't you be living with me?" he asked, a little pout on his lips, and his brow furrowed.

"Because all little boys need their Mommy," she told him enthusiastically. "Remember? So, you've got your new car bed, and your Wormhole Xtreme clock, and you'll be living with Mommy."

"You could live there too," he suggested. "We could put your bed in my room."

Elizabeth smiled widely. "It would never fit. You've got all those toys in there."

"We could move those," Jake said, wide, hopeful eyes looking up at her.

"Jake," she said softly, "We've talked about this. And you want to live with Mommy. You're just nervous. But Daddy's there with you, and I was just packing some more boxes and then I was coming over. You're only a couple of corridors away from where I live you know."

Jake nodded but looked worried as he asked, "Will Mommy think I don't want to live with her now?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "No, she won't think that."

Jake glanced towards the doorway where John was still hovering as if he wasn't sure whether he should be there or not. Then Jake looked back to Elizabeth and quietly asked, "Why is Daddy staying over there?"

Elizabeth could help but release a brief laugh. "Because Daddy's nervous too…" She looked up at John. "That's probably where you get it from. Daddy was very scared when you ran away."

"But he's a Sheppard," Jake pointed out.

He didn't miss a trick. "Yes. But when little Sheppards run away, big Sheppards get scared."

Jake's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock. "Really?"

"Yes, really," she said, "So you can't do it again."

Jake shook his head emphatically. "I won't."

"Good," Elizabeth said, tapping him on the end of his nose.

He giggled and wriggled his nose. "That tickles," he laughed.

"I know," she grinned, tickling him further as she pulled him into a hug.

She held him for a minute or so before enquiring, "Right, are you all set?"

Jake pulled back from her and nodded.

"Then let's go."

They both stood up and joined John at the door. Jake handed his book to Elizabeth so he could take one of each of their hands as they walked through the lab and out to the corridor.

"Thanks for that," Elizabeth said quietly to John as they walked, swinging Jake along between them.

John shrugged. "He needed some time with you… So much for moving him in as a surprise though. Teanna should be back soon."

"Well most of his stuff is there now. It'll still be a nice surprise for her."

John nodded. "Unless he runs away again."

"I won't," Jake said, looking up at John. "I won't run away again, Daddy."

Elizabeth smiled, first at John's surprise when Jake joined the conversation, and then at John's smile of fatherly pride as he looked down at his son.

"Good boy," John said and Jake returned his attention to watching his feet as he walked.

John looked over at Elizabeth, and she mouthed 'always listening'. John laughed and nodded his agreement, and the three of them continued their trip back to Jake's new quarters.

--

Elizabeth joined John, Teanna and Jake for dinner that night, but declined the invitation to return to Teanna's quarters afterwards, insisting that the family should spend some time together, just the three of them. They did walk back together though, and, as they reached Teanna's quarters first, they stopped and Elizabeth crouched down to say goodnight to Jake.

"Well, goodnight, little man," she told him with a smile.

"Goodnight, Aunty 'Lizabeth," Jake said, leaning forwards and wrapping his arms around her neck as he gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Have sweet dreams in your new car bed," she told him as he stepped back.

"I will," he said.

Elizabeth was about to stand up when Jake leaned towards her again and whispered, "All little boys need their Aunty 'Lizabeth too."

A smile spread across Elizabeth's lips. "Yes they do. And they will always have their Aunty Elizabeth – "

"Even when she's not there," Jake completed.

"Exactly," Elizabeth said, fighting back tears. She leaned forward quickly and kissed Jake's forehead. "Now, off you go. Tell Mommy and Daddy the story about the monkey and the giraffe."

Jake giggled, and Elizabeth said goodnight to John and Teanna and left them to go to her own quarters. She was determined she wasn't going to cry; she had been preparing for this day for weeks, and, besides, it wasn't the first time Jake had not been there for the night. But when she stepped through the door, the first thing she noticed was the distinct lack of toys around the room. And her tears fell.

TBC…


	19. Chapter Eighteen NEW!

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews. I'm glad people still remember this fic as it's over two years since I started it! Thanks for sticking with me - here are the final two installments.

Chapter Eighteen

Elizabeth had been in the room barely five minutes when the door chimed. She quickly wiped at her eyes, hoping it wasn't too obvious that she had been crying, and crossed the room.

Upon opening the door, she found John standing outside. She saw his eyes widen with concern briefly and knew her emotional state was no secret; but he soon schooled his features and smiled sympathetically.

"Jake sent me to make sure you're okay," he said.

Elizabeth laughed at the little boy's thoughtfulness. "I'm fine, John."

John simply nodded. "I can see that."

She smiled sheepishly, lowering her head, and shrugged. "It's just… things are changing."

He nodded again and took a step closer to her. "Well, I'm under instructions to take care of you. So… can I come in?"

Head still dipped she looked up at him, smiled and stepped aside so he could enter the room.

"Thank you," he grinned, turning to face her as she closed the door. "You probably should also know that Jake told me to stay here tonight."

She looked straight at him now and raised an eyebrow. "Really?" she asked, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Yep… So that you don't get lonely."

Her smile formed fully now, but she felt the tears brimming over from her eyes again. "Ugh, this is silly," she said wiping at the moisture with frustration. "It's not like I'll not see him every day."

John stood in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging them with his fingers. "It isn't silly. It's perfectly normal. You'll miss him."

She met his eyes, for a moment just absorbing the comfort of having him there with her, then she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer, his hands sliding onto her back.

"Are you really staying here tonight?" she asked him.

"If you'll let me," he replied, his thumbs stroking along her spine.

She shivered at his touch and nestled closer to him. "I guess there's no reason why you shouldn't now…"

John nodded. "No there isn't."

"And I suppose, after six weeks, I can be sure this isn't a dream?"

"I'd say so," he smirked, both of his hands settling on the small of her back.

"Okay," she acquiesced, "You can stay."

"Thank you, Ma'am," he whispered, lowering his lips to hers.

She returned the kiss for a few seconds, revelling in feelings she still had trouble believing were really happening, but then she remembered her intention to tease him and pulled back.

"So can we read a book and make up stories then?" she asked him, batting puppy dog eyes at him.

He laughed and slid his hands down to cup her butt. "If that's what you want to do," he said, then he kissed her again, his tongue slipping between her lips this time – his plans for the evening perfectly clear as his hands massaged her ass and his tongue duelled with hers.

When she needed oxygen, Elizabeth prised her lips from his and dropped her head back, gasping for air. John switched his attention to her exposed neck, trailing kisses along her jawline, then down to her shoulder, taking time to pay particular attention to the spot just below her ear. She trembled under his ministrations, but managed to retain enough coherent thought to continue their conversation.

"Did you have something else in mind?" she asked as his mouth began its journey back up her neck.

His tongue joined his lips in teasing that sensitive spot near her ear and she let out a quiet moan at the sparks it created inside her.

"Well…" he said, moving his lips to her ear and whispering the rest of his sentence.

Stunned by his words, Elizabeth dropped back in his arms, eyes wide. "You're serious?"

"I am." And both his tone and expression supported his words.

Her heart was beating rapidly with a mixture of the emotions he had stirred within her – through his touch and his suggestion – and Elizabeth felt her stomach churn with anticipation. She supposed that was her answer then.

A wide smile spread across her lips. "Okay then."

John's grin mirrored hers. "Really?"

She nodded, "Really. We'll go with your idea for tonight."

The sound John made as he swept her up into his arms was somewhere between a shout of victory and a scream of excitement. And she found that strangely reassuring – for she was pretty sure she wouldn't dream him making that sound! And as he kissed her with more passion than she had ever thought possible she was further convinced that this was real. They really had found him.

And as he laid her down on her bed without breaking the contact at their lips, and rested on top of her, she found herself more than willing to lose herself in him. Yes, things were changing, but these changes were definitely for the better.

TBC (in a short epilogue)


	20. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Are you ready?" Teanna asked Jake when they reached the doors of the infirmary.

Jake looked up at his mother with an excited grin on his face – one very reminiscent of John's – and he clutched the teddy bear that he carried under his arm more tightly. "Yep."

"Okay," Teanna responded, a smile equally bright on her own face. She opened the door and lead her son inside.

They saw John immediately and his smile widened as he saw them enter. Elizabeth turned to face them then and Teanna let go of Jake's hand so that he could work of some of his excitement by running across to Elizabeth's bed.

--

John swooped him up when he got there and sat him on the bed and Jake shuffled around until he was comfortable and had a good view of the person he was there to visit.

Elizabeth watched as his eyes widened in awe and then he glanced up at her with a grin wider than she'd ever seen before.

"Jake," John said to him, "This is your little sister, Emily."

His smile grew even more and he reached out his small hand and stroked Emily's tiny fingers where they clutched her blanket.

"Hello, Emily," he said to her. "I'm Jake. Your big brother. And I brought you this teddy bear."

Elizabeth laughed as Jake sat the bear in front of him so Emily could see it, and she ruffled Jake's hair with her free hand.

"She's gorgeous," Teanna commented from where she now stood beside the bed.

"Thank you," Elizabeth beamed.

"Can I hold her?" Jake asked. "I'll be careful."

Elizabeth glanced at John and nodded.

"Of course you can," she told Jake. "Daddy'll help you."

John lifted Jake off the bed and settled him on a nearby chair, then he took Emily from Elizabeth and knelt down in front of Jake.

"Okay, make sure you keep this arm under her head to support it," he explained as he positioned the baby in Jake's arms.

Jake nodded, his eyes completely transfixed on Emily.

"He's been looking forward to this," Teanna said to Elizabeth as both women watched him admire his sister.

"He'll be a great brother," Elizabeth nodded.

"He's been telling me all the things he's going to teach her."

Elizabeth laughed.

"He's started already," John told them drawing their attention to the children.

"Emily," Jake was saying quietly, "This is the infirmary. You're here now because you've just been born, but you won't come here a lot, because you'll be brave, because you're a Sheppard… And this is Daddy," he told her, carefully moving only his head to indicate towards John, "And that's Mommy, and that's Aunty 'Lizabeth –" He stopped, frowning for a moment. "Well, Aunty 'Lizabeth is what I call her. She's your Mommy. So… my Mommy is your Aunty Teanna. They'll take care of us. And Uncle Rodney will help, and Uncle Carson, and Aunty Teyla and Uncle Ronon…"

The three adults laughed as they continued to listen to Jake explaining their extended family. Yes it was a little confusing for a small child; but they were all there, together, and that was all that mattered.

THE END


End file.
